CaptPukeFish

They say the darker the berry the sweeter the juice, which is why Scott Aukerman only drinks White Berry Juice. White Berry juice, the only official unsweetened white juice of Scott Aukerman and all the guests of the Comedy Bang Bang Podcast.

Chicken Little plays the fiddle. Papa's got the flu. Mama fires up the griddle. I watch "We Bought a Zoo".

I licked a frog in the boondocks, lost my dog and my tube socks, then watched a goblin drop logs in Kenny Loggins’ toboggan.

I been to Kenny Rogers roasters with Sergeant Slaughters daughter and to harry potters sweat lodge, seen Tina turner teeter totter.

Heroes don't always wear capes, and sometimes (ziiippp), they don't wear nothin' at all.

God must have really had to scrape the mold off when he made you.

Split peas on her pants and sleeves, I'd spill it on my mama from my mouth.

I'm so tired of the media lobbing all these softball questions, and frankly, I can't wait for this softball tournament press conference to be over.

If you can't handle me being fond of liverwurst, then you don't deserve to fondle my best bratwurst.

If it was a snake it woulda bit me. jk. It was a snake and it did bite me, loser.

We'll come on that bridge when we cross it.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's that dog fighting is illegal. How did you ever become a lawyer?

You can lead a horse to water, which is good because I'm a thirsty horse, but you should know I don't put out until the second date, Mr. Man.

One if by pink. Two if by stink.

In lieu of a catchphrase, i invite listeners to join me in the Pledge of Allegiance. I pledge allegiance to Howard Sterns penis. Bababooey.

I don't wanna step on anyone's toes, but if that's your fetish and you've got the cash, then I've got the perfect pair of cleats.

I'm half in the bag, sipping from your dish rag, dripping with that wine from where the sun don't shine.

Drop that zero and get with a one, you beautiful binary bitch.

Man o man. Scott, Paul, and Bobby need to be in a movie where they all just do a podcast.

I hate to see you go, but I love to watch my independence and self-esteem return when you leave.

I like my oatmeal like I like my tushy - eaten with a spoon, luke warm, and mushy.

It was peachy and hunky dory, til we found pieces and chunks of Corey.

I like this show

From chicken pox to ticking clocks, to moonwalks in the boondocks, your watching laffitty talk box.

I'm thinking about drawing a tiny number on my shnoz. Might be a little two on the nose.