CaptPukeFish

When I became a man, I put away my childish things. I stuffed them all under my bed right before my mom got home.

Thank you for giving us closure with Garry Marshall. That was the great and needed, and perfect. And on a serious note, I'll be picturing his ghost watching me the next time I jerk off, which will be 10 mins from the time I post this, for all u sick perverts out there. Gawd. Get a life, weirdos. (4:26AM EST)

If you see some of "Say Anything", say something about "Say Anything".

I've seen Earth, Wind and Fire, and I've seen Rainman.

...and the catchphrase peaks back¿!

You see a lonely, shivering sink, sitting sadly outside your warm, inviting home. Let that sink in for awhile.

One for the money. Two for the show. Three to get ready, and four in the stink.

This just in, scientists confirm jumping jack flash to actually be a liquid liquid liquid.

Like sharing a slice of grandma pie with an old pair of sweat pants you ain't seen in awhile.

My father cast a pretty big shadow, which explains why he's no longer a casting director.

We provide the treats for the people in the cheap seats - the kind that give your mom the creeps and come seeping through your sheets.

To see with.

Don't bite the hand that feeds you, or, better idea - just stop insisting on being hand-fed.

Time is a flat circle, but coasters are also flat circles, soooo kiss my butt.

You say "polished turd" like it's a bad thing.

If you hear "welcome to comedy bang bang" after these words are done, then you just heard my catchphrase son.

If you seafood something, sayfood something.

Call me old fashioned. James Old Fashioned

Now is the winter of our discontent, so I made hot cocoa for your whiny ass.

Every man is an island, but not every island is a man. Two exceptions: Man Island and Island Man.

He set forth into the barren wasteland on the heels of the cloven-hoofed beast. A warrior. A searcher. A bucket of year old yogurt.

'Twat written in the stars...wait no. I read that wrong. Twat written on the stairs.

Not quite as funny as the scriptures foretold.

Its time to show everyone at this firm that you have more to offer than just your magical fart box.

You can lead a horse to water, but so what? You used a carrot on a stick. Stop thinking you're such hot shit, Jamal.