CaptPukeFish

Hashtag! you're Hash IT.

I like the part about the bone-in sparerib, but it needs to be fleshed out.

Mister speaker, with all due respect, this is not about how you get your jollies, this is about your forbidden chicken salad recipe.

The eyes are the window to the soul, just as the taint is the expressway to Finger Poppin Pleasuretown.

It's a pretty deep cut sir, but it checks out.

The proof is in the pudding. And the pudding is in an undisclosed top-secret location, you traitorous bastard.

The detective, having just finished giving head to his blanket, knew he'd just blown his cover.

Hang you Tom Sawyer! I done gave fair warning that hobo would be back for his teeth. Fetch me my sniper rifle.

Shitter? I hardly manure.

Adam and Eve, not Subtractam and Eve.

Thank you universe, you chaotic fucker.

Look, I'm not going to sugarcoat this. You have diabetes.

Maybe it was Karma. Maybe it was Destiny. I'm not sure which, but one of those two strippers stole my wallet.

Stop. Nobody touch this body. I'm calling it. Time of death...Hammer time.

"It's not halloween until we hear the freestyle monster fuck comedy bang bang rap battle" - my mom

You go in the cage. Cage goes in the water. You go in the water. Shark's in the water. You have a 3-way with Nicholas Cage and a shark.

"You're the apple of my eye" he whispered toward the syringe. Then he jammed the fucking needle full of apple juice into his fucking eye.

I wouldn't do that if I was Yu. Then again, Yu is Asia's greatest stuntman.

That's when I noticed it. The mystical stench of a unicorn's dick.

Madam, for the last time, I beg you, cover up your flamingos genitals.

Say what you want about Nicholas Cage, but to me, he's in National Treasure.

"Is dat yerrr jacket?" The fact that this was a callback from a "best of" episode from a different podcast's live tour was delightful. And I don't just go throwing that word around loosely.

And the Award for best costume goes to Father O'Reilly's faceless conjoined twin for "Slutty Hitler with no face"

In the morning, she didn't understand what "shit you a poem" meant. By sundown, they were husband and wife.

In the end, the only thing he was guilty of was having a big heart and getting illegal heart-enlargement surgery.