CaptPukeFish

Hoo wee I look just like Buddy Holly, but woo hoo I’m hung just like Buddy Hackett.

If you’re here looking for aggressive advice on getting skates you can use on concrete, you're going to have to fucking get in line.

And those times when you saw only one set of footprints in the sand, I was doing upside down jumping jacks ten feet in the air. It was fuckin awesome. I’m fucking Jesus bro. How could you forget that shit?

It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to. And you’ll cry if I say so. One person must always be crying. Real tears. It will be weird and sad, and if you’re hearing these words, the doors are now locked from the outside. The party tears will begin now.

And those times on the beach, when the diceman only had one in the stink, I was carrying youuuu ahhh goooosh.

Goodbye yellow brick road. Hello golden river to brown town.

I am not afraid of any ghosts or correcting somebody’s grammar to their stupid face

It was Mrs Peacock in the dining room with the candlestick, now what’s this you say about a murder?

Splish splash, I was jerking off into the sink.

Could I get one for Pretty in Pink, and two for Shitty in Stink.

Turn on your fart light, in the middle of an old man’s rim job

A man. A plan. A canal. And that mans name? Panama Dan AKA Canal Joe AKA the Sand Panda.

Everybody always tells me “Dress for the job you want”, but nobody ever says “Smeff por ba clob boo smaunt.”

If these walls could talk, am I right? Unfortunately they can only eat, breath, and take shits, so I’m cancelling the grant money.

Before we begin, does anyone here have a “deez nutz” allergy?

that’s 2 strikes kemosabe

Hello Mary poo. Goodbye shit.

Remember, when you point your finger at someone, you have three fingers pointing back at you, and one finger in the stink.

It’s number one in our hearts, and it’s number two soaked in farts.

He was a real lunch pail guy, ya know? Just went to work late, left work early, and couldn’t really build a lunch pail for shit. Honesty, I’m kinda glad he’s dead.

Don’t be fooled by the chicken pox on my cock. I’m still, I’m still Scotty fuckin Aux.

My favorite One Direction album would have to be the “North” soundtrack.

And the award, for this episodes catchphrase goes to...no...no fucking way...can I say fuck? I don’t care holy fuck he did it! Captain Pukefish for meta-award announcement catchphrase! This is captain pukefish’s first catchphrase of the show.

It’s all part of God’s plan until he gets punched in the mouth.