CaptPukeFish

By the cloven wings of pan-am flight 69 four twenty, this is captain dickfart, inserting strap-on, preparing to take off pants.

We don’t have liberty or death, mr Henry. Is Pepsi okay?

I don’t give a rat’s ass or a mouse’s ass, but I do give a mean back rub, oh and may I offer you a gerbil’s dick?

Gratuitous repost for live showowow

I don’t know but I’ve been told, my doctor found mold in my deepest skin fold.

What if god was on “This is Us” ?

Kathmandu, but Birdman don’t.

You shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, and honestly you don’t need to keep taking pictures of it’s dick like that either. Actually, ya know what? Takin back the horse. I told your mother this was a mistake. Takin back the horse.

When I was a boy, I spoke as a boy, but when I became a man, I put a big smelly poo poo in my dipey.

My milkshake brings all the bugs to my car, and I can’t clean it cuz im a ga ga ga ghooooost. So much blood. So much ants in the blood.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became the pink, I put two in the stink.

You can’t play with your toy until you suck down your nugget juice.

Malcolm in the middle, but Bette Middler.

I now prominence you two in the pink. You may put the one in the stink.

On top of ole Smokey, I stroke my unspokee.

You know what they say, if there’s grass on my balls, I shouldn’t mow the field naked.

Hello Mary Poo. Goodbye fart.

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, I fingered the riddler.

Programmed to love. Engineered to destroy. Marinated overnight in meemaw’s skin gravy.

Some people call me the space cowboy but my real name is Gallactro - the space ranger.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t spend time with your own son? Maybe teach him how to ride that goddam horse you love so much? Are you even listening to me?

When I became a man, I put away my childish things, and if my mom asks you what happened to them just please tell her I left them at your house, like, not even joking.

You wouldn’t believe it, even if I boned ya.

God never closes a door, like a real asshole.

You can do the hokey pokey and then turn yourself around, or you can do the chokey strokey, grab your belt and go to pound town.