IRONicmerMAN

This Christmas season, my one wish is that the gals of "Two Girls, One Cup" can finally get a second cup.

"Aukerman Lapkus Tompkins Characterwheaties"? Sounds like Huttese for "Welcome to Comedy Bang! Bang!"

Over the lips, through the gums. Look out, stomach, because this Chinese buffet is going to make you need to pee out of your butt later.

This looks like Blade meets Batman, and they meet Leprechaun.

My first on-air catchprase and they question me staying on brand. Very satisfying.

"Bye, Felicia"? Nay. In its stead, I sayeth, "Fare the well, Felicia. Fare the well."

I have agency over my vagrancy, so keep your hands of this itinerant's itinerary.

Scott and Hodgman called me "off brand" when they took my catchphrase virginity. I was both pleased and crushed at the same time.

Ooh, baby, I like it raw. Yeah baby, I like it raw! Dearest waitress, give me salmon sashimi or give me death.

Bump. I just watched this one again. It's a slow build to utter nonsense. It had a $22 million budget back in 1980, and I have no idea where the money went. The easy answer is cocaine... I'm just not sure it's fun bad, though the boat fighting scene is pretty epic. Then there's this... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNM7PmOkBxE

Dick punch Dick punch Dick punch Dick punch!

Rise up.

Why do I have to keep hearing about all these defectors from North Korea? Let them shit in peace!

A man is nothing without his family...unless he has obscene wealth and several mistresses.

If the proof is in the pudding...where do I put my penis?

This catchphrase is off-putting.

I think SNL mentioned it this weekend, so this is in no way my own...there was something else shitty that shared this name, and it was the 90's car called the Geo Storm.

Cute meat. Get it?

That’s all I could think of when I heard Nick/Leo speaking.

I don't believe for a second that Paul and Jason didn't see Milla Jovovich's work in Zoolander.

Once allegations against Charlie Sheen start coming out, you'll know Hollywood has hit bottom.

Maybe it's just me, but for me, this Kevin Spacey stuff has really ruined that shower scene from American Beauty.

Anyone who tells you dreams don't come true clearly hasn't masturbated into an active volcano.

I watched this last month gearing up for Halloween. I rewatch a lot of stuff during October. I really don't think this movie is too bad. It just has the misfortune of following a great Halloween and better-than-reviews Halloween II, despite having no Michael or continuation of the story. Yeah, it's a weird one, but it's really watchable. It also has a great Carpenter soundtrack. I give the movie a C+/B-.

Mazel tov, corn dog!