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Football Meatlong

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  1. Saint Patrick drove all the snakes from Ireland, and it took a while because he had a Fiat.
  2. Please, Hey Asshole is my father. Call me Hey Asshole, Jr.
  3. Its actually pronounced Vinnie "Vice City" Van Gogh.
  4. We could all learn a thing or two from Scrooge and have brass door knockers crafted in the likeness of dead business associates.
  5. First they're up, then they're down. Elevators are a lot like things that go up and down.
  6. My storied career and extensive body of research around the topic of hot tub time machines suggests a strong correlation between time travel and contraction of sexually transmitted diseases.
  7. While we study moon phases, the teacher scowls, the whole class gazes, as teen wolf howls.
  8. Hi, I'm Bob Dylan, and I'm here to talk to you about how to keep moss off your bowling balls.
  9. The sick kickflip passed peacefully in it's sleep in the early morning of February 16th.
  10. It's like my grandfather Bozo always said, "Desperate mimes call for desperate gestures."
  11. I'm not a stupid fucker, I'm a stupid fucker's son. I'm only fucking stupid cuz the fucker met me mum.
  12. Oh, THESE smiling eyes? Well, let's just say they're a mirror for the sun, buddy.
  13. You can imagine my disappointment upon discovering that my newly acquired hot tub time machine was actually just a jetted bathtub time machine.
  14. As Papa John Misty once said, "Better acoustics, better pizza"
  15. "Just the tip", explained the professor of restaurant economics.