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The Shrekronomicon

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Everything posted by The Shrekronomicon

  1. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 181 - Carl Tart, Our Close Friend

    It's very nice any funny to see so many regular posters making sock puppet accounts and pretending to be new, but that's a privilege not everyone has and this episode, while I am grateful that the show is not ending, made me wonder if anything that happens ever is either a prank or a double down prank leaving me virtually incapable of trusting others and ambivalent about forming new bonds with other humans. Welcome back. Please tell me if i am being pranked because I really don't actually get it. I don't know how to over-emphasize this without sounding sarcastic.
  2. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 180 - Mikal Cronin, Our Close Music

    This show has been the only constant thing in my life after going through a terrible thing where me and my best friend had an irreparable falling out, a move to a new state, a job loss/change, and lots of brain stuff. Hollywood Handbook is the only thing that was there before and through it all. It can't end too. If Sean isn't funny, then literally nobody is funny. Sorry everyone, but thats the bar I measure funnyness against. I have every episode of HH and RSS saved for podcast historians if this is really "it". Don't end the podcast. I'm sorry for not being able to get other people into it, I just don't know very many people.
  3. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 179 - Alison Rich, Our Close Friend Again

    Man, am I glad you didn't say it was a mental health ward for acute stress induced psychosis, because i spent a week in one for that and they suuuuuuuuck, I thought everything was talking about me, even reruns of cartoons, thought a close friend was going to attack me for no reason. That shit was b-a-n-a-n-a-s. My feet ARE sore though. Did the shaving procedure go well? (Okay 3 posts on one page, That's about as brave as I'm going to get. One for each decade of my life.)
  4. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 179 - Alison Rich, Our Close Friend Again

    Don't get me started on people named Alison and Jessica. No, I mean really, ain't nobody got time for the stories I've got that give those names particular significance to me.
  5. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 179 - Alison Rich, Our Close Friend Again

    B-,,,,broseph....foolbus....new jobs....Alison Rich...again....neurolinguistic programming...something is happening to my birthday brain...i just got home from work...but im having a vietnam-style flashback of trying to be accepted and failing....something about Joe McGurl's forum rules...i...i'm losing the image. I think I have somehow bent time and space by ....something....I am...what am...I...?
  6. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 178 - Kulap Vilaysack, Our Close Friend Again

    Ive got a maxed out credit card emergency to handle first, but mark my words beefy, you shall one day have that Leatherman if I have anything to say about it. Slide into those twitter DMs and be patient, My money situation is really pretty bad.
  7. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 178 - Kulap Vilaysack, Our Close Friend Again

    I'm still not funny, but the intro segment coerced me into making a post. I'm doing kinda better because I finally got hired for a job with the help of Beeface's good vibes and possibly magic gold star stickers. Night shift inventory guy at a hardware store, so no customers to interrupt my pod listening. I did a whole twitter day of #trypod last week for all my favoritest casts and gave HH the highest recommendation I could fit into 140 characters. In other news, I turn 30 next Tuesday and if anyone wanted to get me a present, having another Mike Hanford episode would be pretty amazing. Or even a..."John Lennon" episode...?
  8. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 176 - Ike Barinholtz, Our Close Friend

    I never made it to the funny zone last week. I think I can't get there anymore or was going somewhere else the whole time. The laughing part of my brain seems to be broken or have atrophied altogether because on an intellectual level I know this episode was particularly good, and I can still remember Hollywood Handbook being basically THE only thing that made me literally "LOL", like IRL, but after a series of events in my life this past year I think somethings bad wrong. This week I'm posting because I'm becoming concerned that I may not be as alive as my vital signs are tricking all the doctors into believing. I probably shouldn't post here anymore until something changes because even tho I kinda see you all as distant friends I will just bring the mood down. Bye
  9. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 175 - Dan Lippert, Our Oscars Friend

    just posting to say im alive. if i get in the funny zone i will try again with a better one.
  10. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 174 - Stephanie and Elizabeth, Our Spiritual Advisors

    I clppd my bonsai tree into the shape of infinite fractal smaller bonsai trees and opened up a vortex in space time into which I fell and continue to fall, in all directions at once which is exactly as painful as you would imagine. I live in the electricity now and have to be on constant lookout for the DanaGorgon. This occurred months ago, so this would have been really helpful back in like maybe June of '16 but at least now I know what I did to deserve this fate.
  11. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 173 - Mike Mitchell, Our Close Friend

    Sheeeeeeit, CMB, you sounding like CLPPNG all da sudden.
  12. The Shrekronomicon

    A Crack In The Floor (2001)

    This movie stars Gary Busey. I know this because on the cover of the DVD I found in a Half-Price-Books store, his is the only name listed on the front cover, top and center aligned. You might be fooled into thinking he has only a brief cameo since he does not factor into the plot in any way and is in the movie for only one scene lasting about 3 minutes, but well...have a look for yourself. https://youtu.be/F73_nmanbVM?list=PLe9SLHT_bbxTTx95fg2O8L8cNuKBx4rzc
  13. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 173 - Mike Mitchell, Our Close Friend

    If its spaghetti you want, I actually make my own and give it away to folks for free. Be warned though, before you ask me for any, it has an almost universal side effect profile of causing emotional distress and agitation in varying degrees of severity that can go on, in some cases, indefinitely.
  14. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 172 - Julie Klausner, Our Close Friend Once Again

    #FinnegansWake
  15. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 172 - Julie Klausner, Our Close Friend Once Again

    Except when the Third Law conflicts with either Law One or Law Two.
  16. The Shrekronomicon

    Eyes, or something like eyes. An unending nightmare inside.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G76bSA_cVuo
  17. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 171 - Chris Bannon, Our Close Boss

    This is probably a dumb question, but google is not being helpful. Whats the difference between fantasy and sport? Also what is the difference between a coach and a play?
  18. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 171 - Chris Bannon, Our Close Boss

    I'm not a fan of the burger king. His masklike face reminds me of a scary anonymous guy or some kind of puppet. I thought some very valid critiques were made of particular individual puppet concepts in the "We Don't Need Hayes Show". Content ninjas are too violent and are scary surprizing, not funny surprizing. Did I finally find my way out of the maze yet? Can I have hotdog go to bathroom break please now? This podcast was good and funny and nice and I'm sorry Sean about your arm.
  19. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 170 - The Wendigabrus, Our Close Friend

    Sources state that a Wendigabrus is real, although one has never been photographed in mid rampage. It is theorized that the supernatural nature of their very existance fucks up camera lenses not unlike the super irradiated villain in Sunshine.
  20. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 170 - The Wendigabrus, Our Close Friend

    I am an alchemist that uses the love and life force of shrek to prolong my own life artificially.
  21. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 170 - The Wendigabrus, Our Close Friend

    If you're looking for an open book, AMA. Most of the time I only speak to break the deafening silence of isolation and if I can even so much as delude myself into thinking I have seen a reaction from others of any kind I am able to confirm that I still exist. However my internal fortune cookie factory is telling me that this post won't be one of those instances. I seem too desperate. SEND.
  22. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 170 - The Wendigabrus, Our Close Friend

    Eeeeevery girl wants to be Harley Quinn now because she's "BAAAAD". I feel like maybe some of these cosplayers either have serious issues or havent thought deeply enough about how abusive and fucked up that relationship with the Joker actually was. Can you even imagine if Christopher Nolan had done a script treatment that included that sub plot? The public backlash would be like if something crazy happened like Donald Trump getting elected! By the way i havent looked at a news source of any kind in over two months. I presume Gary Johnson is well on his way to pushing through federal Legalization by now, right?
  23. The Shrekronomicon

    submit youtube clips for improv4humans

    "Which Tom?", indeed.
  24. The Shrekronomicon

    Episode 170 - The Wendigabrus, Our Close Friend

    How big of leaps was the wendigabrus taking? I'm asking for research purposes only, since I want any cryptozoological monstars that Portobello and Bip encounter on their adventures to be as accurate as second or third hand information from internet sources will allow. I don't KNOW that theyll ever encounter a wendigabrus per se, but it could be an idea that leads to an idea. Also isnt it weird how in the marvel comics Wendigo is like an abominable snowman but in actual "historical" accounts, wendigos are like more of a feral zombie type of thing and sometimes a shapeshifter? Do you think theres any way what Hayes faced off with this week was in fact a Solojon Grundybrus?
  25. The Shrekronomicon

    Paywall Special Announcement

    I'd like to hear the story of how your last account got locked out. Sounds far fetched.
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