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Smigg.

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Posts posted by Smigg.

  1. Posted

    I have a theory as to why JTT-Pinnochio wanted a "wooden girl" even though he was a real boy.

    It was a set-up for a Pinnochio/Mannequin crossover movie.

    Picture it.  It's the 90s, and Pinnochio has been living alone for centuries because Gepetto couldn't carve an adequate girlfriend.  As it turned out, Pinnochio is a huge asshole, one girlfriend wasn't "adequately sanded in certain areas", one was rejected because Gepetto ran out of wood, and we can't even talk about the time Gepetto brought him a girlfriend that he carved out of mahogany.

    Now, living as "Pete", he moves to America, and becomes a carpenter.  He walks through a department store, sees a particularly fetching manneqiuin, and the magic happens.

    • Like 3

  3. Posted

    Paul brings up the trade he made for a Penthouse air freshener.  I'm so glad he wasn't at my school, as I talked about in the Disclosure thread,  he'd have been eaten alive at our school.  If he's making trades for novelty air fresheners, we'd have gotten him to sign over his house, and I'd be married to June right now.

    Paul sounds like the kid who tried palming off Naked Lunch on people.

    • Like 1

  5. Posted

    Recorded live from Berkeley, CA, Paul, June, and Jason discuss the1986 slasher film Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives. They talk about Jason Voorhees’ story leading up to this movie, condom sounds, suspenders under t-shirts, and more.

    This episode is brought to you by Squarespace (www.squarespace.com/BONKERS code: BONKERS), Betterhelp (www.betterhelp.com/bonkers), Simplisafe (www.simplisafe.com/bonkers), and Amazon Intersect Festival (www.intersectfest.com code: BONKERS).

    Subscribe to Unspooled with Paul Scheer and Amy Nicholson here: http://www.earwolf.com/show/unspooled/

    Check out our tour dates over at www.hdtgm.com!

    Check out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepubli…wdidthisgetmade

    Where to Find Jason, June & Paul:

    @PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter

    @Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on Twitter

    • Like 3
    • huh? 1

  6. Posted

    14 hours ago, Ari Ugwu said:

    This movie was fantastic. There is such a deep and troubling Groundhog Day meets Misery in space vibe going on.

    The Facts:

    • Akton knows the future: Clearly. He states as much.
    • Akton is immortal: Chief Thor kills him around 36:40. Akton's eyes are open and he's on the ground. I'd assume Chief Thor knows a dead body when he sees one. More importantly, he stays down for awhile. Suggesting that when he dies he kind of 'resets' in place. Evidence that he's a kind of time being.
    • The ship is also a time being: She ask's Akton why he messes with his powrers and they share a sort of familiarity. I assume the ship brain's race has been enslaved by the Emporerf to power these ships. 
    • The Emperor is researching other time technology.

    My theory: Messing with time is illegal and Akton is apart of whatever authority policies time and who has access to what technology. Whatever the Emperor is going is starting to get too advanced (i.e - being able to stop time on command). What Akton is doing is creating a scenario where the only option the Emperor has is to sacrifice all of his technology to win. That city is 'hope' as he calls it. Could he be trying to undo some major event for his people? So that's an A+ script.

    The twist: Akton doesn't just know the future. He's lived this section of time on repeat trying to make these events happen and as a result four things have occured:

    • Akton is now a crazy person. Driven mad and is now stuck in a loop.
    • Akton believes the only way out of the loop is to take the place of the Prince.
    • Akton has fallen in love with Stella and fixates on her being an element. If he is to take the Prince's place then Stella should love him right?
    • For some reason Elle knows to much. He's the one that recommends using Akton. As a result Elle has to die.

    Going deeper:

    • Akton puts Stella in danger constantly when there is no need except to show he can save the day:
      • Prison planet: Okay, but he lets her commit murder. Couldn't he have just told her to stay low cause he's working some inside contacts and they should be out in a few days? P.S - do not create a prison riot that costs many guards and prisoners thier lives?
      • Amazon planet: This is the fist time it seems Akton wants Elle dead. Send him to a planet where everyone hates robots but might be nicer to a strong woman? Bravo. P.S - More murder.
      • Ice planet: Okay, only reason to let these two go down is to once against demonstrate to Stella what an amazing hero Akton is. Also, hopefully the robot doesn't survive.
      • Caveman scenes: This one is pretty good. Let the prince use up all of his eye beam energy and then come in with a light saber and save the day. The Hoff gets punked in front of Stella and the icing is Akton letting everyone know that he's figured out where they need to go.
    • Akton looks like Hoff. Curly hair. Same style of suit. So Akton isn't human he's certainly trying to immitate humans: 
      • The Hoff is a good fighter? Welp then Akton better figure out the manly aggression thing and keep practicing by fighting Thor on every loop.
      • The Hoff on one loop must have used his sword fighting skills to beat the robots.....so yup, Akton has been getting good at that too. Endless loops of fighting cavemen to get better.
    • Akton seems to really enjoy watching the suffering, confusing, etc. At 44:00 or he's the one that disabled the ship and he just lets Elle and Stella waste time trying things and getting frustrated? Why?

    So there we have it: 

    • Akton is constantly putting Stella in emotional distress and saving the day to develop some bond.
    • He wants to take Hoff's place but he has to be really careful because the overall mission must still be accomplished. Tricky stuff. Maybe that's why he was playing with his power's in the ship. NOTE: The _ship brain_ asks in real judgement tone "What is wrong with you?" when he's playing with his powres. She knows. She knows.
    • Akton still loses in the end. So what does he do? Just dips out to start the loop again. Stella says he can't die, true. Akton says not to worry cause he'll live forever, also true. Rest of the movie is fine but it's the B plot. Akton dipped out to do another loop and the A plot went with him.

     

    - Went to see this live in Richmond, VA. Was very happy and very fortunate to grab a VIP ticket. I hope the trio remembers me as the only athletic six foot tall athletic black nerd that awkardly shook thier hands.

    #fan-for-life

     

     

     

    I think we've found our "Phonecall that sounds suspiciously familiar" post this week.

    • Like 3

  8. Posted

    3 hours ago, Cam Bert said:

    Also, FYI Jason the movie you were thinking and/or hoping Starcrash would be actually does exist! I present to you... Flesh Gordon! (Don't worry I used the SFW version)

    Yep, it's a X rated softcore porno from the mid 70s that tries to pass itself off as a parody of Flash Gordon. Hunky football star Flesh is enlisted by Professor Flexi Jerkoff to ride aboard his penis shaped rocket to go stop the evil Emperor Wang the Perverted who is control of the powerful sex ray. When hit by the sex ray you... well, have sex with anyone around you. Somehow he's going to use this to take over the galaxy. It climaxes in Flesh fighting a giant stop motion monster voiced by real life giant stop motion monster Craig T Nelson! I love the The Incredibles but read about this guy's politics... The movie is exactly what you think it is. Outdated and offensive puns and gags peppered over horrible action scenes of barely clothed people and sex scenes. 

    Sounds bad right? Well, it is but it is not nearly as bad as it's sequel which came out 15 years later... Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders!

    (Trailer too NSFW for here but feel free to go to Youtube if you're curious and hate yourself)

     

    Okay, I need to see this movie.

  10. Posted

    1 minute ago, muttnik said:

    Maybe it's just me, but 97% of the costumes in this movie really drew the eye to the crotch. I wish Stella'd worn the red and silver number with the cape more, it was a good look.

    I'll be honest, the about 20 minutes I could make through this movie before tapping out.  I did think to myself "Hey, she's hot, wonder if they make her take her clothes off for no reason."

    About 10 seconds later, she did. 

    But then, when she said "This planet is gonna burn my skin off", I just thought "You're wearing a bikini, by choice, for no apparent reason."

    • Like 4

  11. Posted

    thunderballs%2001.jpg51RyWHN353L.jpg

     

    FUCKING FEMINISTS!  GOING BACK IN TIME AND DOING GENDER SWAPPED REMAKES!! THEY DID IT WITH GHOSTBUSTERS AND THAT SUCKED, THEY DID IT WITH OCEANS AND THAT SUCKED AND NOW THEY'RE DOING IT WITH THIS?! THEY'RE FUCKING WITH MY CHILDHOOD!!!!  This is Brie Larson's fault for some reason!  Shit like this is why Trump got elected, and he's gonna win again, because of this fucking bullshit SJW Zardoz remake.  We already had "Zardoz", there's no need for Female Zardoz and that's not me being sexist, but when they wanted a male Lara Croft, they made a different game, Uncharted, they didn't change Tomb Raider.  Yeah, I get that that's what happened here, it's called "Star Crash", but look at it, thigh high boots, weird underpants, it's fucking Zardoz!  MY THAT PERIOD IN TIME A FEW YEARS BEFORE I WAS BORN!  And, not being sexist, but Sean Connery looks way better in the thigh highs.  But, they just don't see it, Ghostbusters flopped, Oceans 8 flopped, all these other movies I'm ranting about flopped, so that tells you something... People don't want that, people don't want politics being shoved into their movies!  Even though that's basically how I make my money, by ranting about it every day.

    Don't forget to like, share, and subscribe.  Also, check out my Patreon, because YouTube demonetised me for no reason, all I did was call a woman a fucking bitch that should kill herself, that's not sexist, it's not sexist.  If anything, I'd be being sexist if I DIDN'T call her a bitch, because I'm treating her like I would a man.  Also, I'm running for election soon, so keep an eye out, I'll be talking about getting milkshake thrown on me, and how that just shows that I'm gonna win! 

    (Stupid Jason ruined my joke, about a minute into the podcast).

    • Like 6
    • Haha 2

  12. Posted

    Recorded live from Richmond, Virginia, Paul, June, and Jason discuss the 1979 space opera Starcrash. They talk about Stella Star’s outfit, Elle the robot who is capable of being nervous, the similarities to Star Wars, and more.

    This episode is brought to you by Squarespace (www.squarespace.com/BONKERS code: BONKERS), Simplisafe (www.simplisafe.com/bonkers), SweeTango Apple (www.sweetango.com/bonkers), and Betterhelp (www.betterhelp.com/bonkers).

    Subscribe to Unspooled with Paul Scheer and Amy Nicholson here: http://www.earwolf.com/show/unspooled/

    Check out our tour dates over at www.hdtgm.com!

    Check out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepubli…wdidthisgetmade

    Where to Find Jason, June & Paul:

    @PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter

    @Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on Twitter

    • Like 3

  16. Posted

    45 minutes ago, gigi-tastic said:

    If they ever do Showgirls I'm just going to take over the boards. That's just how it's going to be. I'm not even sorry. I've spent too long trying to understand Elizabeth Berkley's motivation for acting like an electrocuted salmon during the pool sex scene.  I'm also pretty sure Nomie was raised by rabid wolverines or some other animal based on her eating,claw dance work, and fondness for dog food. 

     

    This relates back to my post about the tape market at my school.  Showgirls was a hot hand, because it was "Her from Saved By The Bell".

    • Like 2

  18. Posted

    Speaking of conversations, I will give my usual pre-emptive warnings, if they ever get round to Ready 2 Rumble, and MK: Annihilation, I'm gonna be insufferable.

    But, if that MKA episode opens with "We're only doing this episode so Smigg from the boards doesn't kick my ass", it might be the coolest thing ever to happen in my life, and I've met Mike Tyson, and got into a "fight" with Ric Flair.

    • Like 2

  19. Posted

    3 minutes ago, Cameron H. said:

    Absolutely! For example, the second part of ChunkStyle’s response (the bit about “resting and vesting”) was in response to one of my posts. It was part of the grand, inclusive conversation we were all having and wasn’t necessarily written with the thought, “Gee, I hope this gets read.” Of course it’s lovely and fantastic when he does read one of my posts, but even if he doesn’t, my good time doesn’t hinge on it. I just like talking to you all. :) 

    When you call in, it’s not about community, it’s about “me.” I guess there’s nothing inherently wrong with that way of thinking, but my personal preference is, “Come have fun with us first, worry about getting on the Minisode second.”

    Absolutely, that's why I'm chomping at the bit for Ready 2 Rumble, and Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, because for me, those conversations are gonna be fucking amazing.  However, it would be rendered hollow on the mini-episode because Steve from Yellowstone calls from his car, "Hey, one thing I noticed... and here's one of the posts I Carlos Mencia'd from the board", and then hearing "Oh yeah, that's a great point, Steve from Yellowstone, bringing his A game this week!"

    No, Steve from Yellowstone didn't bring his A game, he brought someone else's.

    • Like 6
    • Haha 1

  20. Posted

    3 minutes ago, Cameron H. said:

    I think I remember when that. It’s happened a few other times as well. I want to say it happened to Taylor Anne relatively recently, but I could be mistaken.

    But, yeah, that’s kind of my feeling as well. Join the conversation! We’re all pretty welcoming here (except for the truly troll-ish, but they’re pretty easy to ignore). I mean, I assume the argument would be something like, “Well, not everyone has time to be on a forum” but I mean, neither do any of us really. My initial post on this topic was delayed for a while because as I was writing it I had to pick my kid up from school and run some errands. My first post on Disclosure wasn’t until a few days after the episode because I didn’t have the time to listen to it first - and I try not to post until I’ve listened to the episode. We make time to be here, you know? Not that it’s a chore, mind you. It’s an absolute pleasure. I enjoy goofing with you all. And because I like you all, as you’re all real people to me - some of you people I’ve known for YEARS - and not disembodied voices, I get defensive when I feel like one of you is being slighted. If someone here goes through the effort of composing a thoughtful post, I’d like to see that effort recognized over someone who calls in and “ums” and “ahs” there way through the same point.

    And I don’t think it’s really a matter of getting angry at these people. For instance, I don’t think the any of the callers today copied anyone on the board. I just think it’s annoying. I mean, if they call in with an original, mind blowing take that no one else has, go for it. But I think if it’s a matter of saying, these two people said the same thing, then maybe give it to the person who took the time to be a part of the overall conversation. Like, whether I have a C&O read on a Minisode or not, I still have fun discussing the movies with you all. Calling in is ultimately a one-sided conversation.

    I don’t know, maybe that’s crazy.

    I think there's also a question of intent.

    On the board, while there is the element of getting picked out and included, there's still the conversation between everybody, like the LOL thread, that shit took off and became it's own episode in its own right.  However, calling in, you're doing that to specifically get yourself featured on the episodes.  So, jacking other people's conversation, and using that to draw attention to yourself, and get a "good job, kid" has me in two minds, one side thinks "Are you that needy for attention, that you feel the need to swipe someone else's thoughts, and pass them off as your own?", but the other side is "Well, someone thought I had something interesting to say".

    • Like 8

  21. Posted

    2 hours ago, Cameron H. said:

    Man, I hate to gripe because you all know how much I love HDTGM, but I really wish that if they're going to take phone call C&O's they weren't using the calls that are points people brought up on the boards. Of the three calls, two of them were points brought up by forum people (specifically @Vegas820 and @RyanSz). And, of course, the third call was actually brought up on the show, so I don't even know what was up with that. I mean, I'm not saying that I brought the heat this week, I know I didn't, but there were plenty of other people here who did. I'm not sure why their observations were bumped so someone could bring up something that was literally brought up on the show.

    I get trying to pick posts that give Paul something to bounce off of, and I get that people can come to the same conclusions independently, but it really bums me out when people take the time to come onto the boards to share their funny and insightful observations only for someone to just call in on their way to work or something and gank their point. (This isn't even to mention the amount of times some of these calls he been almost verbatim recitations of things people have written here, but that's a whole other bag of worms).

    I don't know, it just kind of annoys me.

    But congrats to @Cam Bert, @Smigg, and Justine for the win!   

     

    That happened to me on the Rockstar episode.  It got to the point where I am almost certain that one of the people who called in, just came on the boards, and just read my posts, and just repeated them verbatim.  It didn't make me think "Fucking asshole, stealing all my hard work!" because I had a fucking BLAST finding little caveats, it's one of the few movies where I get to really deep dive into it, because it's the shit I know and love.  But it was more a case of "Mate, join in with us!  Have some fun",

    • Like 7
    • Hedgehog 2

  23. Posted

    28 minutes ago, gigi-tastic said:

    Maybe it's just me but did any one else worry about people getting discombobulated and lost in the V.R world? I would very easily get confused by that many miles on miles of weird empty (definitely haunted) hallways and would "wander" around in confusion for who knows how long looking for the room for my file if I didn't "fall" to my death first.  Now that I think about it this would 100% give me motion sickness.

    On the other hand what a great excuse to slack off from work "Sorry I'm late for this very boring and useless meeting! I got lost in the M. C Escher Hell Scape... Again " 

    Oddly enough, people do get "lost" when playing VR games, so in a situation like that, it could be pretty dangerous.
     

     

    • Like 3

  24. Posted

    3 minutes ago, taylorannephoto said:

    @Smigg. & @GrahamS. I want to honestly thank the both of you for opening up to us all. I know personally how hard it is to even talk about this, but y'all are doing a good thing (much better than this fucking movie) and we're all here with y'all. My experiences with sexual assault and harassment started when I was just 11 years old, and continued well into my 20s, so I seriously want to thank y'all for sharing today.

    To make an incredibly dark subject light again because I'm sure none of us can deal without trying to make each other laugh I present this.

    TallPrestigiousGar-size_restricted.gif

     

    The funny thing is, I was actually told "Yeah, but if they were hot, you'd have gone along with it!", whether I would or wouldn't have in that situation is irrelevant this situation, I wasn't interested in THIS group of women.  But, I consider myself quite lucky, because it had no impact on my life other than mild annoyance at the time, and an anecdote for later in life.

    But it is interesting in to share when discussing stuff like that, even without going into the "Oh well, if my mates and I did that, we'd be in trouble!" yes, you would be, they should have been too.  But, I was also lucky to have been raised by my amazing mother, who instilled this "Don't take it from anybody" attitude, and innate "Brick Shit House" genetics which allowed me to tell them to fuck off, and push my way through, someone else might have been REALLY fucked up from it, especially not receiving any form of help.

    • Like 5

  25. Posted

    My post about he adult movies of the 90s, I talked about a channel called "L!VE TV", and I got this wave of nostalgia, so I went back and had a look at some of the high-brow entertainment that this channel provided.  So, remember, this are actual shows that were broadcast on this channel.

    The Weather, in Norwegian - This show was basically the weather, but said in Norwegian by ridiculously good looking woman, Anne Marie Foss.  On the weekends, she wore a bikini.
    Britain's Bounciest Weather - When it wasn't Anne Marie Foss creating pressure in the south, a midget would forecast the weather, on a tampoline.
    Blue Review - Imagine Siskel and Ebert, if Siskel was a greasy haired "lad", and Ebert was 90s Alternative Teenage crush, Emily Booth.... and they reviewed porn.
    Topless Darts - Two women play darts, with no tops on.
    Tiffany's Big City Tips - This is financial news, presented by a woman who would remove clothing during the show
    Red Shoe Diaries/Compromising Situations/Passion Cove - Playboy Channel "dramas".
    Threesome - an "erotic soap opera", starring Emily Booth.
    Strip Masterbrain - A quiz show, where models would answer questions, and have to take an item of clothing off when they answer incorrectly
    Frontier Wrestling Alliance - Taking advantage of the growing popularity of the "Attitude Era" of wrestling, L!VE TV started broadcasting quality british wrestling.  I distinctly remember one storyline where popular masked wrestler, Big Daddy T, was arrested for going into a bank, refusing to take his mask off, and being mistaken for a bank robber.
    The News - This was just the news, with someone piss arsing around in the background, wearing a bunny costume.

    It was stupid, it was cheap, but I miss it.  And I still have a crush on Emily Booth.  Yeah, there might be things like Babestation, and the internet, but there isn't that fun, cheekiness to it.  L!VE TV had a more tongue-in-cheek, nudge-nudge-wink-wink fun to it.
     

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