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Everything posted by TootyBut2DButt

  1. Do these pants make my butt look worthy of love and respect?
  2. Find someone who looks at you the way your mother looks at your father, settle for them immediately and then make all the same mistakes.
  3. Byzantine syzygy catalyzed satellites, incomprehensible heavenly acolytes.
  4. Rinkle wurmple ample dinkle, sturmpet docket leibnitz physics.
  5. My dentist doesn't respect me as a man.
  6. Twitter? Change that "T-w" to a "B" and that's more accurate. Then change the "i" to a "u" and add the word "lover" after it and you've got our new Butter Lover deal at I-HOP. All you can eat butter for 9.99.
  7. “Spank me, Daddy, I’ve been naughty.”, said the responsible child after turning himself in for stealing from the cookie jar.
  8. I came into some money when my grandma died. Grief makes you do strange things.
  9. Sure I’ve got a couple skeletons in my closet but many skeletons are closeted because of rampant homophobia in the skeleton community.
  10. I turned on my spam filter but somehow everyday I still end up eating gallons and gallons of spam.
  11. While the people that got on seemed very willing to yes-and, we quickly realized that they had something totally different in mind when we drove up in the Bang Bang Bus.
  12. You can’t spell a word without the letters contained within it.
  13. Why don’t we just name the MOST iconic duo and be done with these petty squabbles.
  14. I hate to date myself but at this point I don’t think anyone else will do it.
  15. I would love to but my legs don’t bend that way.
  16. When life gives you Plemons make season 2 of Fargo.
  17. I'm not from the Midwest so I call him "Iggy Soda".
  18. The vacuum cleaner was invented in 1901 by Hubert Cecil Booth who thought of the idea after meeting your mom at a party.
  19. Come over here and stick your face in this you rustic fuck.
  20. One time I came so hard I discharged fluid from my genitals.
  21. Crack is whack, butt crack doubly so.
  22. If I told you how horny I was you wouldn’t believe me.
  23. I don’t send dick pics I send cock portraits.
  24. Watch Seinfeld Sunday nights at 7 or Kramer and Jerry will come to your house and beat you with wet noodles while Newman farts on everything in your fridge.
  25. Did you know Benjamin Button is the sequel to Oldboy?