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Topics posted by ShatteusPantswellTheTurd
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Baby come back, you can spray it all on me. I was so wrong, thinking I could ever get it down smooth.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 318 views
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One of by Land, two if by “See, I told you it was a bad idea to not send them by land AND sea, Karen! King George is gonna be super pissed and I’ll be dammed if I fall on the sword this time. And no, I don’t care that I’ll have to raise the kids alone.”
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 303 views
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Take the good, take the bad, take a poop, stanky hand... Siri, remind me to buy toilet paper.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 381 views
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Suffering from an acute case of “couldn’t find a fuck to give-a-tosis”. Also pancreatic cancer.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 351 views
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Step one: skip to step two and ask yourself why you even bother pretending to read these instructions you have no intention of following. Step two: wonder why nothing works the way you want and is always catching fire.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 322 views
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I took too long to take Tiu-Long to Take-Two. Long toot aches, too.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 309 views
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What if, for the next hour and a half, we just forgot about the fact that the world is full of horrible people intent on hurting anyone that they can, and listen to a man talk to interesting people? That’s what’s up, hot dog.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 363 views
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Top of the mornin’ to ya! Just poppin’ some corn’ta chew up, while watchin’ some porn’ta screw’ta! Pop some corn, cop some porn. Today the Bang Bang comes before the comedy.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 407 views
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This Halloween, let us all remember the real reason for celebrating on this day. It’s the “Hallowed Eve... of Anthony Kiedis’s Birthday“! Got some candy? Give it away, now. Blood Sugar’s in check? Magick!
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 345 views
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Momma always told me not to take candy from obvious pedophiles. But I always was a sucker for a blow pop. Awww jeez I think you misunderstood basically everything I’ve said Mr. Predator..
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 385 views
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Ever since I can remember, every scent I can re-members every cent I cannery member. Effort sent psyche an ream embers.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 416 views
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If only we could travel back in time, I’d save myself the sheer, incomparable, soul-crushing agony that is a human life on planet earth. One more minute and that bee sting in preschool would’ve caused anaphylaxis. At least we raised the price on epi pens.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 360 views
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Eating chocolate, doggie dropped it.. wait what?? You seriously think I’d be dumb enough to eat shit that came out of a DOG!? Please, I have standards. It’s human shit or nothing.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 404 views
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So I take it we’re not going to discuss the elderly gentleman furiously masturbating in the corner? I feel bad, he’s obviously on his final spank bank withdrawal. (Alzheimer’s is like a mortgage crisis for the spank banks of the elderly)
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 383 views
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“She’s so heavy”, he thought to himself, as Lovely Rita ran and won the Hundred Meter, but made a mess out of Maxwell’s Silver Hammer-Throw.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 370 views
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if fortune does favor the bold, and whores sell their favor for gold, then the truth is that we would abuse the tax free nature of taking payments for loads
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 352 views
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I’m sorry, Mr. President. The outlook is bleak. If we had caught it sooner... hindsight’s 20/20. Anyway, your stage four cancer of the black pit where you should have a soul is already inoperable, and frankly I’m still upset you had my dad deported.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 354 views
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One if by hand, two if I’m kneeling, three if you manage to spew on the ceiling.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 308 views
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I want “an Albert” in the streets, but “an Al” in the bed.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 404 views
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Have you ever done so many recreational drugs you forgot the thing you were supposed to do instead of party with drugs by the way do you know where I can buy drugs I am not a cop oh crap I remember what I forgot to remember. Damn Uniform. Anyway...
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 382 views
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Tie Fighters are like kissing your sister; Skywalkers always end up with one or the other, but only the males. Females on the other hand, they just always kiss the brother. Even when he’s not super into galactic incest.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 321 views
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I always knew i was a genius. Suck it, Thomas Alva Ginsberg-Einstein-the-Night-Stalker-Ramirez. You’re life’s work is a joke, to my advanced level of autism. And I have papers to prove it. They also say I can’t drive on days that end in “-Y”.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 330 views
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When I die, all I want is for people to NOT act as though it was just a matter of time, or even worse, as if they thought I had already died.. just because I’m dead to the world, that doesn’t mean “I’m dead,” to the world.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 367 views
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If catchphrase submissions reflect one’s psyche to the outside world, then PLEASE remind me to delete the internet before my sentencing on Friday. I plead insanity, but THIS is just egregious and probably worse than those murders I- HEY WAIT A MINUTE!!
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 299 views
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Don’t get MADD, get behind the wheel and treat life like a video game. -the last thoughts of some asshole who fucked around and killed a toddler and also the rest of his family, and now has fucked butthole for dinner every night. Don’t drink and drive.
By ShatteusPantswellTheTurd, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 329 views