Jump to content
🔒 The Earwolf Forums are closed Read more... ×


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by ShatteusPantswellTheTurd

  1. I swear this isn’t taking about what you think it is. It’s about where one partner is depositing their stuff and how the other feels about it
  2. Karen should’ve fucking thought about it for even a second. It’s her own fault. Does any one know the number to A good sitter? Or adoption agency? either one is fine at this point.
  3. Happens to the best of us. I mean It has to, right?
  4. When it comes to unfunny cries for attention and barely disguised pleas for the help of a licensed professional, cancer jokes are the new “‘blank’ is new black”-s.
  5. Just one more try, no need to adjust or try a slightly different method. It’s sure to work and not fail catastrophically this time. Right?
  6. This tooth ache won’t take tools, on to the taint, fool. Uncouth, the taint-tooling tooter took a Tuinal
  7. Or maybe we’ll all just drown in a sea of twitter hate and crawl so far up our own assholes that we can no longer function in any way and die a horrible, shit-in-our-ears death. Which is arguably not half as bad a death as we deserve. welcome to the show you’re listening to! (But don’t read this part! It’s just insane ramblings of a truly sick mind who is pretty certain he means well despite his inability to match his actions with his ideals/rhetoric.)
  8. the surest signs of an undiagnosed spectrum disorder Ever displayed by a person with a spectrum disorder that they thought may like a little brother, or like a pet, depending on the severity of the new one and the alpha/beta dynamic during feeding time.. I know my firstborn autism hates sharing the attention and lashes out, which may be what created this new contender for the title of heavyweight “reasons I can’t make a relationship last longer than a season of “pick-a-show-and-make-it’s-season-half-as-long-as-it-is-And-then-air-it-all-in-a-2-week-period..”
  9. That’s what they get, screw the corporate money-monkeys, and their inability to stem the flow of subprime mortga-jizz flooding the market with folks unable to masturbate but with members more engorged than they’ve ever been.. now people are eating their dogs just to find something to jerk off to, just to justify the exorbitant 28% compounding interest rate on late-in-life Spank Bank loans/lines of credit.. Member FDIC(K)
  10. Olympics? Oh-Limp-Dicks? Ol’-Pimp-Tricks? however you spell it, that shit cost me twenty grand. Never bet on a girl whose name rhymes with her menial law enforcement position and who unironically ran in the one Olympic event that could almost be used to make a shitty pun using some of her name and occupation and a descriptive adjective describing her appearance. maxwell’s silver hammer is his penis, by the way. Beatles are Charles manson’s Inner demons
  11. Don’t read into it too much, it rhymes, and that’s about all. If you find some sort of meaning, more power to ya, but i assure you it is as devoid of meaning as every other aspect of my overwhelmingly underwhelming and unfulfilling existence.
  12. Affluent Effluvia Affectations and Affable Aff-Holes
  13. I just came to the nnnnnth degree
  14. Why did this thought enter my brain, and why did I then let it escape my brain through my fingers into a screen and hit a button on said screen to broadcast it to a forum full of people who, while strange and completely devoid of any semblance or moral fortitude, probably aren’t down with incest in space. whats that? Everyone here loves Star Wars? Especially the sister kissing? What’s that? It’s 1/3 of the people’s literal biggest fantasy? In that case, enjoy the thing I wrote that you all love because you people are sick fucks with the desires of Bonobo chimps and the brains of some stupider, easier to entertain chimp. Maybe just a bonobo who’s like a REEAAALLLL fuckin’ scumbag. The type of chimp that just refuses to take “bo-NO-bo” for an answer. Fun fact bonobos are super into incest, and also group sex and are the only ape that engages in sex as a reward/means of persuasion/recreational, and also only type that perform oral sex and missionary, and also love to swap partners and the male Bonobos will band together before a hunt and agree to split the bounty as the females only fuck them if they return with food. BonoBROS literally help each other get laid. I consider them them far more evolved than humans in this regard.
  15. Innocent until proven too autistic to function in the world despite Autism being a prerequisite for elected office in America. - the Aspberger’s dude who thinks life is a mid 90’s stand up set