SirDancelot

If you can't do the whitecollar time, don't do the whitecollar crime, and get that fucking dress shirt off you're in prison!

There's no place like home! Especially true when you live in a fourth dimensional tesseract, am i right?!

Putting a hat on a hat: bad for writing, great for redundant Victorian fashion!

I don't like Rage Against the Machine or Imagine Dragons, stop telling me what to do you shitty bands!

The smell of the greasepaint, the roar of the crowd, who all laughed with out restraint, 'cause I'm not well-endowed

How about a game of good cop, passive aggressive cop, and if not then how about one of YOUR ideas, since i'm so stupid!

If you can't do the whitecollar time, don't do the whitecollar crime, and get that fucking dress shirt off you're in prison!

My momma always said life was like a bag of bugs, sometimes it all just spills out and you don't know what you got.

Excuse you, but if there's one thing i genuinely care about in life, it's being called a Nihilist so if you could be more considerate I'd appreciate it

How smart can this so called "Smart Water" be if it allowed itself to get trapped in a bottle like that?

People always talk about WHEREwolf but they never consider WHYwolf, ya know?

The store name "Hot Topic" becomes increasingly more ironic as their market shares plummet

"You heard the fire alarm? I hardly know 'er alarm!"

Life is like kicking a football, some bitch named Lucy is always gonna take it away

I used to do accounting like it was my job...because it was

There once was a man from Nantucket. There was nothing particularly unique or odd about him and he lived just like anyone else.

Try the grey stuff, its delicious! Don't believe me? Well FUCK YOU

It was the breast of times, it was the thirst of times? Charles Dickens sure had some weird fan fiction.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to dock your pay, if you want your check you'll have to find the ship i've hidden it on"

I'm starting a spin-off called Brooklyn Wine-Wine, it's me and Andy Samberg drinking in the NBC parking lot

I got a 20 year sentence, i'm sure gonna need to use a lot of commas.

You've heard of arm candy, but i lap up fudge off my date's elbow and I'M not allowed back in Costco?

I'm trying to save face like Hannibal Lecter with a to-go box.

A Bill in the hand is worth two in the George Bush

"I wonder how this will impact the DCEU, the Disney Channel Extended Universe"