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Orange Juice Simpson

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About Orange Juice Simpson

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  1. 1) Hard Target 2) Sudden Death 3) Samurai Cop 4) Get Even 5) The Butterfly Effect
  2. If I had the moola to hire a doula, then you wouldn’t be giving birth in the ball pit of this Chuck E. Cheese.
  3. How are people supposed to know what I dislike if Calvin doesn’t pee on it?
  4. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, ‘twas simply the horns played before would you rather.
  5. I don’t care that I’m banned from Long John Silvers, it’s my wedding day and I’ll eat where I want.
  6. Don’t tell me to mind my P’s and Q’s. My poops and queefs are none of your business!
  7. Should old acquaintance be forgot, then I regret to inform you that you may have Alzheimer’s.
  8. A candy cane in your tush, and my jingle bells in your Hanukkah bush.
  9. Orange Juice Simpson

    The Fanatic (2019)

    This is streaming on Amazon. Holy fuck... this movie is like if someone watched Nightcrawler, Big Fan, and Rain Man and then huffed spray paint and tried to transcribe them all from memory into one voltron-esque turd smoothie. Let’s put aside Travolta’s ridiculous performance and appearance for a moment. A few highlights include: -Travolta dressed as an English Bobby with a fake mustache doing a bad British accent. -A gratuitous Limp Bizket plug from director Fred Durst. -Travolta riding on a scooter with a Scientology sign in the background and then crashing on said scooter.
  10. Mistletoe in your tush, and my candy cane in your Hanukkah bush. Happy Holidays, Grandma.
  11. The world continues to wait in suspense, wondering if we will ever get five prequels to Leonard part 6.
  12. I’m afraid, Mr. Worell , that there is no Vern. You’ve simply been talking to yourself this whole time.
  13. I just watched Jiminy Cricket stick it to Wicket. Disney+ has got everything!
  14. Suddenly I’m persona non grata just because I buttchugged all the horchata.
  15. Go ahead and call the cops, I’ve got squatters rights on your squatty potty.