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Orange Juice Simpson

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Everything posted by Orange Juice Simpson

  1. Suddenly I’m persona non grata just because I buttchugged all the horchata.
  2. Everyday is taco Tuesday when you live in an abandoned Baja Fresh.
  3. Ass, gas or deGrasse. no one rides for free, Neil!
  4. It was colonel mustard in the library with the rope. That’s how he was found after dying of autoerotic asphyxiation.
  5. For the last time, I’m not gonna show you how to send dick pics on your phone. Ok talk to you later, Dad.
  6. I don’t see why I need to go to therapy just because I had an erotic nightmare about the Carfax Car Fox.
  7. Inside baseball fact: there’s rubber and yarn in there.
  8. I let out an obtuse chuckle after a loose suckle of your moose knuckle.
  9. Everybody’s working for The Weeknd, especially his assistant.
  10. Hip hop ya don’t stop, the proof is in the pudding pop.
  11. I scream, you scream, we all scream because we’re being held captive by a deranged lunatic.
  12. When life gives you the coronavirus, garnish it with a lime wedge.
  13. 1) Hard Target 2) Sudden Death 3) Samurai Cop 4) Get Even 5) The Butterfly Effect
  14. If I had the moola to hire a doula, then you wouldn’t be giving birth in the ball pit of this Chuck E. Cheese.
  15. How are people supposed to know what I dislike if Calvin doesn’t pee on it?
  16. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, ‘twas simply the horns played before would you rather.
  17. I don’t care that I’m banned from Long John Silvers, it’s my wedding day and I’ll eat where I want.
  18. Don’t tell me to mind my P’s and Q’s. My poops and queefs are none of your business!
  19. Should old acquaintance be forgot, then I regret to inform you that you may have Alzheimer’s.
  20. A candy cane in your tush, and my jingle bells in your Hanukkah bush.
  21. Orange Juice Simpson

    The Fanatic (2019)

    This is streaming on Amazon. Holy fuck... this movie is like if someone watched Nightcrawler, Big Fan, and Rain Man and then huffed spray paint and tried to transcribe them all from memory into one voltron-esque turd smoothie. Let’s put aside Travolta’s ridiculous performance and appearance for a moment. A few highlights include: -Travolta dressed as an English Bobby with a fake mustache doing a bad British accent. -A gratuitous Limp Bizket plug from director Fred Durst. -Travolta riding on a scooter with a Scientology sign in the background and then crashing on said scooter.
  22. Mistletoe in your tush, and my candy cane in your Hanukkah bush. Happy Holidays, Grandma.
  23. The world continues to wait in suspense, wondering if we will ever get five prequels to Leonard part 6.
  24. I’m afraid, Mr. Worell , that there is no Vern. You’ve simply been talking to yourself this whole time.