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Foolish Mortal

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  1. For neither the first nor last time, I have gorged myself upon the flesh of my fellow man.
  2. Sun's out, guns out, it's a dog day afternoon. Attica! Attica!
  3. Brother bet a butter Buddha for the booty of a bitter boater .
  4. Opinions are like assholes: everyone has one, and yours is fucked.
  5. Well pull down my Peter pants and tinker my bell!
  6. Like God, I forgive. But my standards are a hell of a lot lower.
  7. The pubic mullet: business up front, party in the crack.
  8. Would that my wounded wood could woo. Boo hoo.
  9. A, E, I, O, U and... sometimes Y? Why!? WHYYYYYYYY!?
  10. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you gators, it's time to seriously consider moving out of Florida.
  11. Quantum look before you quantum leap.
  12. If there's one thing I learned from game theory, it's that the "prisoner's dilemma" has surprisingly little to do with soap.
  13. Are we human, or are we dancer? Or prancer? Or vixen? Or comet? Or cupid? Or donner? Or blitzen? We are reindeer.
  14. "I don't like the sound of that," I said, as the glass rod entered my urethra.