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  1. Unlock those boobs and let me have a turn!
  2. What if that one Lenny Kravitz show was on Groundhog Day, and Phil Connors was up front...would that be funny or what?
  3. Eating Out daily has worked wonders for my relationship.
  4. Dick is the original Fidget-Spinner; he and his progressive wife thought a hyphenated last name "would better honor the separate cultural treasures embedded in the rich heritages of Ima Fidget and Dick Spinner."

    Fin Finale...

    Forsooth! Last, 'twas cosmic erroneous tilly-fodder, all assumption as to connotation, or rather, to elucidate not mere contrivance nor nittle-picking, lest, ramble-rousing, was since, suddenly, but not expediently, put to test against time and tide until...at long last...against all odds, the last joke farted its way into existence, and for the briefest of moments...lingered.

    Deez nutz don't run!

    Deez nutz don't run!
  7. Hey diddle diddle, the laws have changed, and you're not getting away with that fiddle.
  8. Ten fingers, ten buttholes. You do the math.
  9. A friend who won't let you pick their nose is no friend indeed.
  10. Lindsey Lohan LOVES leftover lasagna, lustily leaking lubricating liquid, lusciously licking little laps like lollies, lying lolita-like lifting long lace leggings...lost in lurid labia.
  11. Trounced and perplexed he lay once erect, now degraded and flecked by a particle mess. That was WAYYY too much stool softener for one person.
  12. Lett's all breath a sigh of relief, and try to remember how much less annoying things will be when we're dead.
  13. Pardon me? Would you have any outdated Grey Poupon references?
  14. It is factually accurate to say, "Thousands of people wiggling their genitals at any given moment." Sometimes hope comes from the least expected places.
  15. Never throw gas on a butthole fire.