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Andy Daly's Third Cousin

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  1. Andy Daly's Third Cousin

    Biker Mice

    Three blind mice drove three little bikes as they hiked up their pants that had fallen down thrice. (Editor's note to S. Aukerman: take bow after finish).
  2. Andy Daly's Third Cousin

    What's up Bratwurst??

    What's up bratwurst?
  3. Andy Daly's Third Cousin

    Donald Duck

    Join us today as we do a deep dive into why Donald Duck had no pants. Turns out he was wearing them all along they were just white. Aw, dang, well there goes the story.
  4. Andy Daly's Third Cousin

    Do The Covid!

    It's sweeping the nation, as will all see, put your mask on baby and do the Covid with me! First, take me to the disco, swing me around, don't cough in my face unless you wanna spread yourself around. Take one step forward, 2 steps forward, 3 steps forward, 4 steps forward...actually get the fuck away from me don't you understand what stay at home means? Is this a dance club? No, it's my livingroom. Give me my Boone's Farm, take your tip and get outta here man!
  5. Andy Daly's Third Cousin

    I love the night life

    Oh, I love the night life, I have a boogie, it's 'round, like a cheese wheel, oh yeah. I got to pick it, I got to pull it, I love the way it tastes, oh yeah...
  6. Andy Daly's Third Cousin

    Last Dance

    Hi I'm Michael Jordan and since I have clearly conquered the basketball world I decided not to take my skills to Miami but to Comedy Bang Bang. That whole minor league baseball stint was not where my true talents lie, it's doing funny characters ala Paul F. Thompkins. I just learned he actually has been doing the Scott Aukerman character this whole time since Comedy Death Ray. Instalegend.
  7. Andy Daly's Third Cousin


    These boots were actually never made for walking, they were made for running and that's where the confusion started.
  8. Andy Daly's Third Cousin

    Catchphrase riddle of fungi

    I am made in the shade, underneath a sunless glade, my grey hairs glisten in a semi putrid glaze, I am considered a delicacy by pigs on parade. I am mushroom, I am truffle.
  9. Andy Daly's Third Cousin

    Kiss me

    Kiss me down by the ICU, Swing me, into your arms now, Bring, bring, your elbow here, you know my name is Pence, I'll take it from here, We'll take the trail marked on John Hopkins map, so come here and sit in my lap.
  10. Andy Daly's Third Cousin

    Here I sit

    Here I sit all alone, sick of looking at my phone, although I enjoy the series Community, how many plotlines can they make about Glee?
  11. Andy Daly's Third Cousin


    We'd like to welcome our new sponsor Nascar, where even our video game races are the racists! I mean raciest!
  12. Andy Daly's Third Cousin

    I'm here to say

    My name is Doc Brown and I'm here to say, 2020 needs to go away, so get in my car, it's all revved up we're all getting out of here because it's too fucked up!
  13. Andy Daly's Third Cousin

    What if God Was One of Us?

    If God was one of us then he would not have allowed that Goddamn Joan Osborne song to be replayed on the radio for so many years in the 90s.
  14. Andy Daly's Third Cousin

    Thoughts on Charlie Brown

    If Charles Schulz was writing about himself when he wrote Charlie Brown, does this mean he had alopecia as a 10 year old child?
  15. Andy Daly's Third Cousin

    Me and My Tv

    Alone he sat by the TV, he said TV it's just you and me, let's watch You, Me and Dupree and see if Kate Hudson wants to get with me.