Andy Daly's Third Cousin

All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances but be sure to first ask them which one is which before your grand entrance.

Now is the springtime of our discontent, aka tent.

When you ask your dog if she needs to take a walk and she farts in response, that's a good dog. Direct and to the point.

Jared Leto has promised that our Lord and Savior, The Tiger King, will save us all if we drink blood from Charlie Sheen.

We interrupt this catchphrase for a very important bulletin. President Trump has recommended everyone drink Kool Aid to cure themselves of Corona.

Hi I'm Dr. Aukerman. Please turn your head and cough. No, this isn't a prostate exam, I just thought you'd feel more relaxed if I did this while I tested you for Corona.

She's Nancy Pelosi, she ain't no Bela Legosi, but my I'm hoping she can suck the blood from Turnip Trump and it will be her biggest glory!

I try to bring the funny, even when the days aren't sunny, I'm hoping I'll get stimulated by Trump's package, and then I'll spend a little money.

I'm happy for comedy in this day and age for it's the only thing that can take my mind away in a daze. When things look dim, we can look to within, and look forward to better days.

This is Auky Scoterman from espn the ocho, I am here reporting on the hedgehog races. We are waiting for one more hedgehog to make itself into a ball before we get started. Back to you Jason.

No jazz fest, no movies, no playing in the park, but at least I can't see you, the one who broke my heart

In the time of Corona, the dogs finally take over.

Embarrassing to admit but is title where I put catchphrase in and then tag as "new catchphrase submission"? I can't seem to do it correctly.

Let's hope Trump's federal package is not freakishly small and holds more money than Toad's Mario Kart.

This just in. Bananarama and the remaining members of Blind Melon and The Cranberries have announced they are forming a super group called The Smoothies.

Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any wool? Sorry to speak sheeplish I only took Sheep from 5th to 7th grade and my father made me drop out of school to work on the farm.

As I sit in the library, I notice my chest is hairy but not Mary's, how contrary said Larry. Mary also said that's a lie about the cockleshells.

Fly me to the moon Let me play among the stars Let me see what spring is like On Jupiter and Mars In other words, get me the fuck off this planet right now I've finished my queue on Netflix and Amazon and can't leave the house.

We now know that reddish/orange hair and face is not just a sign of ineptitude but may mean you have Covid 19.

Netflix and chill is now Netflix when ill.

And if it isn't love for my new catchphrase, why does it make me feel so sad inside, and if it's hate you feel, I don't understand my lack of appeal maybe it's because I texted it while high, if it isn't love.

Hey, nineteen No, we got nothin' common No, we can't dance together No, we can't talk at all Please take me along when you slide on down.

When it's cold in the winter you gotta get a mitten, when it's cold in the winter, it's nice to have a kitten, when it's warm in the summah, it's nice to have a Howie, when he charts everyone hears it, he's like a one man party.

Sometimes there's a woman... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a woman. And well, she's the woman for her time and place. She fits right in there. And that's Lauren Lapkus, in Los Angeles.

You may think I don't give a damn about green eggs and ham but actually it's my no 1 jam.