Andy Daly's Third Cousin

I wish, I wish, I wish I were a fish but instead I am a dish at this 2 star seafood restaurant.

Welcome BDSM community especially the submissives. Please leave your whips and chains in the lobby, after you've been matched with a partner you can go back and get them..

I walk my dog, I live high on the hog, I live in LA, despite the fog, I used to play radio hits but now I sling comedy bits that blow the minds of us all.

Doe, a deer, a female deer, boom a spray from a shotgun...

You put the boom boom into my heart (hoo, hoo), You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts Jitterbug into my brain (yeah, yeah) Goes a bang-bang-bang 'til my feet do the same.

Roses are red violets are blue, your mother's a cow who always says moo.

I'm sorry to report, VP Pence has informed us that until the coronavirus gets under control, we must quarantine ourselves because catching a phrase could be hazardous to your health.#Thoughtsnprayers.

Hi this is Bernie Sanders and as part of my inevitable Presidential takeover, I'm commandeering all podcast airwaves in the name of my socialist programs, spouting my radical agenda of providing everyone has equal access to basic rights such as food, housing and education. WTF will now be called Fidel's Cozy Corner.

Hi I'm Scot Aukerman and welcome to this week's podcast sponsored by YourUndies, the company that takes your mailedin underwear, recycles them and makes them into Tshirts. As you know YourUndies logo is Shirting Bricks.

We started as Comedy Death Ray back in the Oh Nines, when we couldn't scrape together 2 measly dimes, but now we've got clout we've taking over this podcast shit, we've made Kevin Hart our little Mitch.

Here's a little story I've got to tell, it's about Jason Mantzoukas, a big mouth, you know so well. Sometimes he's Rafi, sometimes Danny Kay, but regardless of his name he's here to stay, he'll be the permanent host of Comedy Bang Bang some day.

I ain't Bob Ducca but I have an affliction, I host this show and require perfect diction. I think you know what I'm talking about, it's true I make the ladies scream and shout. But it's not that kind of show, you know that already, get your mind out the gutter and check your story.

Mecca Lecca Hi Mecca Hiney Ho, I appear each Monday at this time on my show. My name's not Jambi, but it's plain to see, my wishes have been granted, I'm married to the lovely Kulap V.

There once was a man named Ben, when he spoke out came a terrible phlegm, but one day he found, if he had a French Dip from Ground Round, he never had that problem again.

Hi I'm Scot Aukerman and this is Purgatory's Greatest Podcast. If you're a first time listener, that means you recently died and you're doomed to eternal mediocrity, just as in your life. If you didn't fumble that TD run in 8th grade Pop Warner things would have been different. This episode sponsored by Leesa, giving you the softest clouds to sleep on since Eve stole that rib from Adam.

I said one for the money, two for the show, I'd add more lyrics but this isn't Europe, we have a broken secondary education system I'm broke, couldn't go to college because it's expensive as hell and those are the only numbers I know.

I need a photo-opportunity. I want a shot at redemption. I'm hoping I can end up like a cartoon dog like Underdog.

Hi this is Will Woodchuck. Stop fuckin' texting, emailing and calling me and my family about how much wood I can chuck.

Hi this is your host Scott Aukerman and welcome to another week of Electric Car Talk where we only chat about fixing problems with electric cars. Remember, before you call in, check and see if you plugged your car in last night.

Hi this is your host for Pub Ugly aka Publicly Ugly, Earwolf's new podcast counterpart to Beautiful Anonymous, for people who are Ugly and flaunt it in public.

It's Girl scout cookie season, and is the reason, that while my mints stay thin, my belly has maintained its mirthful girth.

If a dog can be hot and a ham can be a burger...stay tuned next week for the end of this cliffhanger catchphrase submission brought to you by Squarespace..

If a Pope falls in the woods does anyone hear it?

I like to sing, I like to dance, but this Valentine's Day there was no romance in my pants.

Would you cry if I told you I had a stye in my eye, or are you just not into that type of guy?