Andy Daly's Third Cousin

I put the oom in zoom, so listen as I boom, boom, boom. 

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, August 3, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Hey I'm Scott Aukerman and I'm not wearing pants anymore. Fuck you Bonobos.

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, August 3, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Hey I'm Scott Caukerman here to promote our new ED sponsor, Looking Pa Nub. When you've just got a nub, we know the wrong place to look. 

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 28, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

• new catchphrase submission

You guys always try to make me do dirty things on the show, it ain't gonna work because I ain't that kind of Joe. It's downright annoying and really quite cliche, also right before the show I always use Reggie's bidet. 

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 27, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

• new catchphrase suggestions

I've been wearing a mask, every day, it predated Covid, sad to say, my wife says it's necessary to have the sex, my face looks better, so no need to flex. 

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 25, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

• new catchphrase submission

If bananas need a hammock what do peaches need?

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 11, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Plato said you can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. What I've learned from that is people who do comedy actually age must faster like dogs, but they live a more joyful life and bring more joy to others.

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 11, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Aristotle said we are what we repeatedly do. Empirically, I have proven this to be false because I have not turned into a sheep.

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 11, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

One cannot conceive anything so strange and so implausible that it has not already been said by one comedian or another.

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 11, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

If a tree picks itself up off the ground, does anyone hear it make a sound? Fuck no, that tree ain't a punk, it has a family, it's working its ass off to make those duckets and doesn't have time to whine like a little bitch sapling. 

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 11, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Tell me, my lovely, was your father a thief who stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes? Clearly not, I can't even look at you because you're crosseyed like a billy goat after it eats its third soda can of the day. 

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 11, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

If 3 is the magic number then why did De La Soul need Prince Paul and Dilla to make music?

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 9, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

If you're a Judge is it ok to judge someone in violation of the rule that says Judge not, that ye be not judged? And if you have an opinion on this, are you not passing judgment already, and if so stop that unless you want someone to pass judgment on you.

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 9, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

I wonder if the Phantom of the Opera goes out now for a walk if he has to wear a mask over his mask or is his sufficient? What about Richard Harrow?

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 8, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

It's so hot right now my dog asked if she could get a haircut and she's hairless.Also, yeah she's a talking dog.  

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 8, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

And now I'd like to tell you about our new podcast Did HoobaReallyStank Or Is The Stank Re Me?

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 8, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

I'm starting off this show with a tshirt idea for all, podswag needs more money and leesa needs more dough. So I'm putting a photo of my leesa on a tshirt for all to see, with a naked Dalton Wilcox staring out at you and me.

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 5, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

I just had an edible on the 4th day of July, bad time to do it, as I mistook a Roman Candle for my guy. The feeling was amazing I felt like I could fly, never had an orgasm quite like this, but the smell of sulfur made me cry.

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 5, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

It's really too bad we don't have more fireworks, I forgot how they glow, bottle rockets, M80s, bursting 9 am to 12 am, always to and fro. My dog really loves them, barks all night in her approval, 24 hrs, 5 days a week, no need for her refusal. 

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, July 5, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Keeping it clean

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, June 20, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

For Father's Day

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, June 20, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Fairytale Corner

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, June 20, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Golfing Goddess

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, June 20, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Biker Mice

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, May 27, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

What's up Bratwurst??

By Andy Daly's Third Cousin, May 27, 2020 in New Catchphrase Suggestions