Whoever just farted on zoom

I can't wait for covid to be over so I can pull down this mask and raw dog the fuck out of the air

You say tomato, I say kegel ball

Sometimes you just have to look back on your life and think "man, I really wish I hadn't put my dick in that watermelon"

I'm an alternative architect, I can prove it inside. I'll build the eiffel tower out of me, your mom, Jekyll, then Hyde

Excuse me, I've been shopping for a new pocket pussy but I was wondering if I could have your pizza pocket instead, it's making daddy feel all sorts of ways

I picked a pack of wild peckers playing in the park, but they said they'd only peg me if I came back after dark

Mirror mirror on the wall, why's my dick so God damn small?

Riddle me this, riddle me that, why did my peen go splat splat splat?

For a quarter, I'll court her. For a dime, I'll rhyme. But give me some nickels and I'll tickle some pickles.

Hampax hampax, on the wall. Who's shorts did I rip, if you recall?

(Insert mediocre midweek catchphrase here) ScottsPoopyDrawers

Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me thrice with pubic lice ScottsPoopyDrawers

Do me fast, do me hard, do me like Jean Luc Picard ScottsPoopyDrawers

Marscapone, Mark Maron, slap me with your lovers bone ScottsPoopyDrawers

As a horticulture student, this is straight gold. I'd like it more if it ended with 'consult a library near you' though

My name is Jayman. I can't create, man. So I just rehash old bits and take big shits on the people who try every day, man. ScottsPoopyDrawers

No one cares about your year old catchphrase you keep dragging up over and over again ScottsPoopyDrawers

If you're sexy and you know it, clap dat ass Scottspoopydrawers

I like to watch Space Forts and imagine me and Ben Schwartz are escorts with face warts, baking spice tortes in our tight jorts while doing fat snorts of space quartz ScottsPoopyDrawers

If you're tired of your crotch goblins and miss having disposable income, I hear Wayfair has a great kids into cash program ScottsPoopyDrawers

If you're feeling kind of sour, hop in my golden shower: The adventures of Robert Kelly

If you're going to ship a vibrator, at least make sure it's turned off first. The mail carrier already came twice ScottsPoopyDrawers

When you think you gotta fart, but it's liquid from the start, diarrhea Scottspoopydrawers

Speak the spake, I spay thee, Zarathustra ScottsPoopyDrawers

Mama told me that bumping your old catchphrases is for punks and sissies, but I told that bitch to go fuck herself Scottspoopydrawers