Friend of P

Every time I go to a website I keep accepting their cookies. They don’t even care that I’m diabetic.

I’m not an actor I just play one in the operating room.

I’ve been taking photography classes I don’t want to be a photographer I just really enjoy hanging pictures up on strings In a poorly lit room.

Football would be a much less dangerous sport if it were the teams goal to help each other get the ball to the other side.

If your titties are tubby I’ll sprout a big chubby.

I got a word of the day calendar but it’s in Alphabetical order and I think everyone is catching on.

I got a car with all the bells and whistles Who would’ve thought you could buy a car with bells and whistles

I bought a Leesa mattress using promo code Bang Bang and saved a little over $100. Now I can buy more marijuana and smoke it while listening to comedy bang bang. Not a catchphrase just a testimonial.

Head and shoulders tits and clits, tits and clits.

The only time that it’s good to get the short end of the stick is when it’s going in your butt.

Excuse me, waiter? There’s a cum in my soup.. so yes everything IS wonderful thanks for asking.

A boob job sounds more like an occupation than an application.

What does a responsible bartender have to do when a pregnant woman walks up to the bar and orders a drink? cardamom.

When life gives you lemons buy some apples and butter, make a pie crust, get out the cinnamon, ginger and sugar, make a pie and fuck it.

What’s this? What’s this? There’s semen everywhere. What’s this? There’s white stuff in my hair. What’s this? I can’t see out of my eyes. I must be creaming.