Friend of P

A boob job sounds more like an occupation than an application.

What does a responsible bartender have to do when a pregnant woman walks up to the bar and orders a drink? cardamom.

When life gives you lemons buy some apples and butter, make a pie crust, get out the cinnamon, ginger and sugar, make a pie and fuck it.

What’s this? What’s this? There’s semen everywhere. What’s this? There’s white stuff in my hair. What’s this? I can’t see out of my eyes. I must be creaming.

From rags to bitches one mans story of going from being homeless and living in a box to having hos on every block

If you’ve got Adamantium claws then don’t wipe your ass angry

I’ll take you for a ride on my big green tractor and by big green tractor I mean big green penis. Hulk smash.

It was the worst of times it was the worst of times it was the age of foolishness it was the age of fools so long 2020

I’ll have the Dr. Seuss roll which contains one fish two fish red fish blue fish of course

When you’re out of cattle to sacrifice a new born child should suffice

If all the raindrops Were lemon drops and gumdrops we would have quite the ant problem

Two in the pink eye one in the stink eye those were the instructions from my doctor

Is that a dick in your pocket? or are you just happy to see me?

If you don’t have an issue stay the fuck away from my tissues

I started listening to The new episode today before I realized that they were talking about it being Christmas Eve and then I realized that my phone started on the wrong episode.. i’m not complaining about a bunch of episodes to listen to but I’m going to listen to them all at once and then have nothing I have no self-control