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F-Word Scissorhands

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Everything posted by F-Word Scissorhands

  1. F-Word Scissorhands
    I judge a book by its cover. This paperback, here, is a slut.
  2. F-Word Scissorhands
    By the way, Romans, about that crucifixion? You totally nailed it.
  3. F-Word Scissorhands
    On a scale of 1 to 10, how many pounds of number 2 did you make on my kitchen scale?
  4. F-Word Scissorhands
    I can’t wait to start cancer treatment! I’m more like a cancer IMpatient!
  5. F-Word Scissorhands
    No I’m not “firing” you. I’m not “laying you off” either. I am merely shitcanning you.
  6. F-Word Scissorhands
    Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you to leave me alone.
  7. F-Word Scissorhands
    Today we flip the script and, on the backs of the papers, there are bunch of doodles and grody stains and shit.
  8. F-Word Scissorhands
    My guest is the 2021 champion arepa-maker! He’s probably the most prolific “arepist” in the country.
  9. F-Word Scissorhands
    I started in the Male Room but I worked my way up to Chief Hermaphrodite Officer.
  10. F-Word Scissorhands
    These lightbulbs are $20 a pop and, once you pop you can’t stop, so that works out to a lighting budget of… infinity.
  11. F-Word Scissorhands
    No, you asked if I CAN do you a favor. I said yes, I CAN. However, I choose not to.
  12. F-Word Scissorhands
    We’ll make you laugh even if you don’t want to! Scott always says he prefers non-consensual.
  13. F-Word Scissorhands
    They got an award for people with heads so big it makes their body look like the size of a pea. They call it a Peabody Award.
  14. F-Word Scissorhands
    It’s different when we call each other that word! Because WE ARE Nongmen.
  15. F-Word Scissorhands
    It fell on deaf ears, when my doctor tried to tell me I was totally deaf now.
  16. F-Word Scissorhands
    This cabbage soup recipe is guaranteed to kill your fetus. It’s an “a-borscht-ion”, if you will.
  17. F-Word Scissorhands
    If we let sweaty-breasted women get married, that undermines the stank-titty of traditional marriage!
  18. F-Word Scissorhands
    In today’s episode I’m having a dissociative episode. I can see myself reading this shitty catchphrase, as if from above.
  19. F-Word Scissorhands
    Sit down to pee? Sure, maybe when the pee starts coming out of my butthole!
  20. F-Word Scissorhands
    If I had Nickels for every time Mike Nichols directed the graduate I’d have at least ten cents.
  21. F-Word Scissorhands
    “The silent treatment.” Ask your doctor about new options for total deafness, but you won’t hear his reply.
  22. F-Word Scissorhands
    He’s a microdick loser that can’t get laid. I don’t care if he IS four years old!
  23. F-Word Scissorhands
    Give me a break/ Give me a break/ break me off a piece of that liquid nitrogen frozen vulva.
  24. F-Word Scissorhands
    Get thee behind me, Satan! And while you’re back there, no funny butt stuff.
  25. F-Word Scissorhands
    I combine my love of Latino cuisine with my skepticism of big pharma’s vaccines in my autobiography: Arroz Con Polio.
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