F-Word Scissorhands

A Latino man whose children have moved out: Empty Nestor

Headless Body In Tapas Bar.

Mastecto-me?! What about mastecto-you?!!

Farm-to-table restaurant does ass-to-mouth

Mighty hermaphroditey!

I asked you what time it is and you said “twelve oh seven.” But “O” is a letter, not a number, so that is some kind of code or password.

Don’t work hard. Work Smart, Jean.

You can fool half of the people all the time. The lower half; from the waist down.

In my country, we yell “I poop on your arms!” As a happy greeting.

I appreciate you sharing your political views. I’ll be sure to mail you a “Thank You” note and a pipe bomb.

You said that you think that we should hire a decorator. And I agreed: that you DO think that.

There’s nothing better than relentlessness. Although, being unrelenting is pretty good too.

You’re complicit in this college admissions scandal! Your new name should be Complicity Huffman!!!

You know what? I made it weird, my bad. I should have referred to you as “our guest here” and not “this pigeon-toed cunt.”

The F, in F. Murray Abraham, stands for Fartsucker. I’d go by “Murray” too.

Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my iPhone.

They say you have to play the hand you’re dealt. To hell with that! Grab the cards away from the other players and play their hands!

Do you like parodies? Cuz I got a pair o’ DEEZ.

I go to the Church of God, as opposed to all those other churches with no god.

Megan Thee Stallion is one pretty lady; all the more remarkable since, by definition, a stallion has a dick and balls.

Absence makes the heart grow Jane Fonda

Batman and Robin reboot: the Dynamic Do-over!

I’ve always said you should live with zero regrets. And that whole time I have regretted saying that.

This is not the beginning of the end, it is only the end of the beginning, and I’m beginning to want to end my use of pointless, wordy, rhetoric.

I made a promise to myself: I WILL not be, and I AM not going to be, a recidivist, because recidivism is unacceptable. But commit crimes again? Sure!