F-Word Scissorhands

As the camera lingers on Scott’s genitalia the addition of colored gels lends an abstract quality. And I don’t mean gels on the lens, I mean smeared on the genitals.

You gotta do what you gotta do and, right now, you gotta doo doo.

You name it, we got it. Ebola, scurvy, hepatitis, the croup, hemochromatosis; the works.

That guy physically pushed me! But, even worse, he NON-physically pushed me!

I probably do “need Coolin’”, as you say. But I don’t see what that has to do with my schooling.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much of this diarrhea on the bathroom scale is yours?

Thank you for footing the bill but stop putting your feet on the bill.

Oh my god, maestro. They should just make you the artist in residence here.

I resolved to eliminate self-doubt forever but then I thought “wait, should I be doing this?”

Plain old polyps bumming you out? Bedazzle your rectal polyps with glittery Polypstick!(TM)

Before I say anything else I want to make the public believe that I have concern and empathy for the victims.

I gift this to you and I receipt this to the IRS because I business this to expense.

I’m sure it was no “walk in the park” to walk in the park exposing yourself to kids, either.

I could care less! However, I refuse to care less until you divest from fossil fuels.

I couldn’t agree more. Or less. I can only agree the exact same amount that I agree right now.

The airliner was full when it crashed and sank in 3000 feet of water, two weeks ago. Let’s pray that all the passengers are still OK down there.

The guys at the corporate retreat all did nude tanning. Now THAT was Gold Man Sacks.

Wild cat meat sausage: breakfast lynx.

Comedy Bang Bang Phase 2 pivots from a rescue operation to a body recovery operation.

David Spade is OK, but I like his brother, David Neutered, better.

If you want a zany new way to organize business meetings, try CoordinApe(TM)!

It’s not “really peen.” It’s just my “peen-ish.”

You asked if you “can get” a quinoa bowl. I answered yes because you CAN get one. However I refuse to get it FOR you because you did not say “please.”

Fake maple syrup mascot struggles with poor self-esteem: Mrs. Butterworthless.

He Stuck in his thumb, and pulled out a plum, and said “That’s not a plum it’s my diseased prostate!”