The term “Special education” carries a stigma so we are changing it to “abnormal education.”

[The term “Special education” carries a stigma so we are changing it to “abnormal education.”]

The term “Special education” carries a stigma so we are changing it to “abnormal education.”

[That’s a pretty nice chunk of change! Except that the coins in said chunk are cemented together with earwax and dried prostate pus.]

That’s a pretty nice chunk of change! Except that the coins in said chunk are cemented  together with earwax and dried prostate pus.

[I don’t care what you say anymore this is my dick/ go ahead suck your own dick/ leave me alone]

I don’t care what you say anymore this is my dick/ go ahead suck your own dick/ leave me alone

[I am so sorry to bother you but, would you happen to know why you are ugly?]

I am so sorry to bother you but, would you happen to know why you are ugly?

[Some guys are on the “down low.” This guy just so happens to be on the “up high.”]

Some guys are on the “down low.” This guy just so happens to be on the “up high.”

[What’s the deal with restrooms?! No one goes in there to rest. It’s pretty much the most task-oriented room in the building!]

What’s the deal with restrooms?! No one goes in there to rest. It’s pretty much the most task-oriented room in the building!

[Comedy Bang Bang is the top comedy podcast but, did you know, it is also the power bottom?]

Comedy Bang Bang is the top comedy podcast but, did you know, it is also the power bottom?

[Your analysis pisses me off. It’s a Urinalysis, if you will!]

Your analysis pisses me off. It’s a Urinalysis, if you will!

[If I didn’t have comedy podcasting I’d probably just fiddle with my Penis stump all day.]

If I didn’t have comedy podcasting I’d probably just fiddle with my Penis stump all day.

[Your restaurant sucks! For starters, you only have appetizers!]

Your restaurant sucks! For starters, you only have appetizers!

[Please accept this engraved commemorative plaque on your teeth.]

Please accept this engraved commemorative plaque on your teeth.

[If Paul Simon married Aaron Paul his name might be Paul Paul.]

If Paul Simon married Aaron Paul his name might be Paul Paul.

[Charlie Brown was never potty trained. Hence “Brown.” And hence “Pee Nuts.”]

Charlie Brown was never potty trained. Hence “Brown.” And hence “Pee Nuts.”

[Yes, that’s what I called you, but I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Why, my own dad is a fucktard.]

Yes, that’s what I called you, but I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Why, my own dad is a fucktard.

[Charles Shulz’s early comic strips were about little boys wetting their pants. Hence “Pee Nuts.”]

Charles Shulz’s early comic strips were about kids wetting their pants. Hence “Pee Nuts.”

[I have a condo in Surfside Florida. Well, it’s really more of a flat.]

I have a condo in Surfside Florida. Well, it’s really more of a flat.

[Biz Markie had a dog named Ms. Barkie.]

Biz Markie had a dog named Ms. Barkie.

[This job does not offer any benefits except maybe the benefit of the doubt.]

This job does not offer any benefits except maybe the benefit of the doubt.

[Strawberry Shortcake had a boyfriend; Strawberry Longcake.]

Strawberry Shortcake had a boyfriend; Strawberry Longcake. 

[I get it, we aren’t allowed to try on bathing suits directly on the bare skin of our junk. But my skin has a protective barrier of scabs!]

I get it, we aren’t allowed to try on bathing suits directly on the bare skin of our junk. But my skin has a protective barrier of scabs!

[We were beaten at the deli. It was a truncheon luncheon.]

We were beaten at the deli. It was a truncheon luncheon.

[It’s like 1984 is coming true. Everyone has mullets and Vanessa Williams has to resign for being a lezzie.]

It’s like 1984 is coming true. Everyone has mullets and Vanessa Williams has to resign for being a lezzie.

[The protestors have been growing exponentially. Not in number, just in body size.]

The protestors have been growing exponentially. Not in number, just in body size.

[A woman shot a crocodile to save her twin sister. The twin female crocodile appeared grateful.]

A woman shot a crocodile to save her twin sister. The twin female crocodile appeared grateful.

[Do be a dear and eat a hobo’s ass, won’t you?]

Do be a dear and eat a hobo’s ass, won’t you?