Tony the Poopbutt Butterfly

Fell in love with a shish kebab in Albuquerque, and now we’re expecting our first shish ke-baby.

I need some TP for my bunghole. Or, really, any improvised cork replacement will do. I misplaced the bung for my cask of whisky.

Time for Christmas in July in June!

Whenever I go to Cancun, I keister a dime bag of glitter because border security need some fun too.

Once artificial intelligence figured out how to jerk off, the robot apocalypse pretty much stopped being a thing.

Before you jump to any conclusions, yes, there is a moose antler in my ass but it was consensual.

If you’ve seen two street dogs have sex, you’ve basically seen my relationship with every burrito I’ve eaten.

Joined a new gym. It’s an 18th century sweat shop in the London slums. Those kids are fit.

Got kicked off the nude beach because my squawking boobies were too loud.

Fill me up, Scotty (with that big ol’ hog).

Name's Bond. James Bond, but my friends call me Jimmy Bag 'o Donuts.

How about some ranch dressing for my deep-fried ranch dressing nugget, Professor.

no problemo. I claim no jurisdiction over peanut butter or beer catchphrases.

Thanks to my peanut butter and beer diet, I achieved a dad bod before I hit puberty.

If you’re into throupling, you’ve got to meet Armpit Face, my parasitic twin.

My grandpa, a chicken, always used to say: "How much shit and piss can possibly come out of my cloaca? Wait, what's this now? AN EGG. You've gotta be kidding me.”

Butter?! I know 'er well because she's my wife, but I don't have a butt!

Found the remote.

Time travel through word pictures. Whoaaaaa!

My grandpa, a gold miner, always used to say: "There’s no shame in having intercourse with a pile of dirt.”

These are fightin words.

My grandpa, a doorknob polisher, always used to say “Knob jobbing is like any other art form: You get paid to suck dick.”

You’d be pretty friendly too if you had a couple of dicks on your wrists and you were always slinging webs.

He's so delicious / He's Burgalicious / He's so promiscuous / Sullenbergalicious

Speedo weather is here and I don’t have my crucified Jesus bod yet. Plateaued at fat Elvis.