Tony the Poopbutt Butterfly

CBB bump! You have made it. Good one.

My corkscrew penis brings all the drakes to the yard.

In space, no one can hear you scream except for space ninjas.

Who said it first?: Henry Ford or Elon Musk.

I want a cigarette that makes me sexy AND drunk.

Doc was surprised I had breasts on my back. I was surprised I was lactating. The baby-versions of Guiness’s famed heaviest twins suckling the life from me acted like this was just another day on the farm.

The armpit of my armpit also happens to be Florida.

Tearing pantyhose is out. Mending pantyhose is in.

People forget that the colon is the third largest erogenous zone.

I’m old enough to remember when Moses sharted in the Red Sea.

SPAM gelatin gets a 6 out of 10 for lubricant efficacy.

Bad news: Louie dog is dead. There is no way to stay sane.

You can't spell "party animal" without "I'm part anal".

Foreskin and seven turds ago, these buttcheeks were divided.

Gimme a Philly cheesesteak with a drizzle of cheese that says "PFT4LIFE". Also, include a few batteries so I have something to throw during a sporting match.

People are drawn to certain animals because they see parts of themselves in them, which I never understood till I learned ducks have corkscrew-shaped penises.

Every time I look a gift horse in the mouth it ends up being a regular horse that tries to eat my face.

My wife nicknamed me "Yahoo!" because I, against all reason, still exist in her life when much more functional alternatives are only one click away.

My GeoCities website about 90210 is still heavily trafficked.

Every Google Doodle is based on one of my neck tattoos.

They call me "Windows 95" because I crash (parties) so often.

Bezos the Clown showed up a day late to my kid's birthday and he was inexplicably soggy.

Hey, nice one! CBB bump!

I removed all of my ribs and I still can’t suck my own dick or pass the sit-and-reach test.