Tony the Poopbutt Butterfly

From this day forward, all shants shall be butt-flapped, all flaps shall be shant-butted, and all butts shall be flap-shanted.

The George Mormon Grill is pretty great for making Planet Kolob God Kabobs.

Lit some candles. Ran a bubble bath. Found grandma's old landline. Been *69ing all night long. Real friendly and chatty staff at her pharmacy.

Just got ghosted by my invisible girlfriend. I did not see that coming. *goddammit .. I'm sorry about this one ... actually, I'm sorry for about 80% of my catchphrase submissions.

Welcome to TurdTown, assbutts.

You'll have to tug harder than that, monster truck, cuz the roots of these pubes run deep.

Been trying to get into non-erotic asphyxiation but I keep getting Heimlich’d. *inspired by Scott calling Bob Odenkirk a non-erotic asphyxiation-ist on the latest CBB.

The Luxury Sleeper Car Children thought it was chic and sexy to be rich yet look poor so they rebranded to the Boxcar Children.

Be a little stiality or be a lotta stiality. Just don’t be-a-stiality.

Isn't it ironic the lyric, "It's like an olympic-sized swimming pool on the back of a clown car," was there for the taking, but Alanis Morissette didn't use it?

my heart goes out to the innocent lives that were lost trying to fly a lead zeppelin.

Who am I? I'm the Mayor of NoodleTown and have been since Nine-uh-teen-Spaghetti-Meat-uh-Ball.

Who am I? I'm the Mayor of TacoTown and have been since Nineteen-Queso-Supreme.

Who am I? I'm the Mayor of BurgerTown and have been since Nineteen-Seventy-Cheese.

What a totally normal and reasonable thing to do, Ghengis Khan. Not!

Some Lord of the Lands who fancies himself a culinary artiste put salad in my ranch dressing.

Beard trimmer shorted out and I tripped a circuit. There’s unholy strength in these pubis follicles.

Hey, nice one!

We all live in a yellow submarine with no bathroom so we all agreed Ringo will be our toilet.

Managed to shove the Viper off my third-story balcony before he was able to vipe something called a “vindow.”

My facial features and accessories are never coming out of my ass again, for I am Potato.

I was unfunny on Twitter so escaped to this forum where I can continue to be unfunny.

Your erect penis is a mighty fine treasure, Captain, but I was hoping to see your “bone oar”. *edited to be less subtle

I used to laugh whenever breasts were called “chesticles,” but I laugh no more. Not since my dad died of chesticular cancer.