The porgs on my porg farm stopped reproducing because they can’t stop fucking my Furby collection.

[The porgs on my porg farm stopped reproducing because they can’t stop fucking my Furby collection.]

The porgs on my porg farm stopped reproducing because they can’t stop fucking my Furby collection.

[Our administrative office better sign up for a secure shredding service because Janet just bought an electric guitar brooch for her cardigan.]

Our administrative office better sign up for a secure shredding service because Janet just bought an electric guitar brooch for her cardigan.

[In the mood for cheap meat, but we're all out of bologna and I was castrated in a farming accident.]

In the mood for cheap meat, but we're all out of bologna and I was castrated in a farming accident.

[My eating habits have been described as pornographic. Please hire me.]

My eating habits have been described as pornographic. Please hire me.

[Be the change you have in your pocket, basically useless..]

Nice one! CBB bump!

[When I say use me like a moving van, dear, I’m saying wrap some meth in a carpet square, shove it up my ass and let’s make for Canada.]

When I say use me like a moving van, dear, I’m saying wrap some meth in a carpet square, shove it up my ass and let’s make for Canada.

[We lack genitalia, Ken. No matter what we do, we will never be able to piss on one another.]

We lack genitalia, Ken. No matter what we do, we will never be able to piss on one another.

[Here at Olive Garden you're family, so you'll be testifying at next week's custody hearing.]

Hey nice one!  CBB Bump!

[Kinda embarrassing that I have two pocket vaginas attached to my wrists at all times that I sometimes have to use as hands.]

Kinda embarrassing that I have two pocket vaginas attached to my wrists at all times that I sometimes have to use as hands.

[If Ivy League alums shit on a paper plate and wrote an algorithm about it, I’d send them a buh-billion bitcoins.]

If Ivy League alums shit on a paper plate and wrote an algorithm about it, I’d send them a buh-billion bitcoins.

[Orange you glad I didn’t say Bo-na-na fan-na, fo-funt?]

Orange you glad I didn’t say Bo-na-na fan-na, fo-funt?

[The bidet may be better than toilet paper, but nothing is better than butt scootin' on shag.]

The bidet may be better than toilet paper, but nothing is better than butt scootin' on shag.

[Warm 5 lbs of ground beef to room temperature and sculpt yourself a pair of good-lookin’ meat boobs.]

Warm 5 lbs of ground beef to room temperature and sculpt yourself a pair of good-lookin’ meat boobs.

[Usually I don’t have to explain the mechanics of xenomorphing my ass.]

Usually I don’t have to explain the mechanics of xenomorphing my ass.

[Whoever kills Carrot Top gets Santa Claused into a slightly beefier Carrot Top body]

Holy moly, is that two catchphrases in a row?  Very nice.

CBB Bump!

[It’s time for catchphrase submitters to unionize.]

Thirded

[Frodo and Bilbo wore that ring as if Sméagol dick hadn’t been all up in that thing.]

Frodo and Bilbo wore that ring as if Sméagol dick hadn’t been all up in that thing.

[Didn’t pull out in time, so my dolphin wife said “I hope you didn’t do that on porpoise.” Then I said “it’s more like I did it IN porpoise.” And that’s the story of how we had our dolphin-human hybrid baby.]

Didn’t pull out in time, so my dolphin wife said “I hope you didn’t do that on porpoise.” Then I said “it’s more like I did it IN porpoise.” And that’s the story of how we had our dolphin-human hybrid baby.

[Wow, Spock, the carpet really does match the drapes, though that second pair of eyebrows makes your pointy dick look sorta angry.]

Wow, Spock, the carpet really does match the drapes, though that second pair of eyebrows makes your pointy dick look sorta angry.

[Numbers are basically letters that can’t spell anything useful, like “buttginas”.]

Numbers are basically letters that can’t spell anything useful, like “buttginas”.

[Medusa, I've met someone else. Her name's Slytherina and she lives on the back of your head.]

Medusa, I've met someone else. Her name's Slytherina and she lives on the back of your head.

[Shoutout to buffalo for being the first LGBTQ allies, raising strong and sexy bi-sons for nearly 2 million years.]

Shoutout to buffalo for being the first LGBTQ allies, raising strong and sexy bi-sons for nearly 2 million years.

[Some sex was had with some of the cars in this parking lot, but I can’t say which ones ... OK it was the Kias.]

Some sex was had with some of the cars in this parking lot, but I can’t say which ones ... OK it was the Kias.

[Let me remove my La Brea-ssiere and show you the fossils in my tar pits.]

Let me remove my La Brea-ssiere and show you the fossils in my tar pits.

[Did you fall from Heaven? Because if so, you may be entitled to financial compensation.]

Hey, hey!!  Nice one.  CBB bump!