Waiter, there’s a pubic hair in my chowder and that’s far too few for my taste.

[Waiter, there’s a pubic hair in my chowder and that’s far too few for my taste.]

Waiter, there’s a pubic hair in my chowder and that’s far too few for my taste.

[Eat cheese.]

Eat cheese.

[Made a necklace out of macaroni to mack on a brony.]

Made a necklace out of macaroni to mack on a brony.

[Jesus is immaculately conceived and everyone worships him; I get emasculately conceived and everyone just says I have a tiny dick.]

Jesus is immaculately conceived and everyone worships him; I get emasculately conceived and everyone just says I have a tiny dick.

[A few years after partnering with a sex robot, you only get the "up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, select, start, B, A" on your birthday--and that's if you're lucky.]

A few years after partnering with a sex robot, you only get the "up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, select, start, B, A" on your birthday--and that's if you're lucky.

[Jenga!, motherfucker.]

Jenga!, motherfucker.

[Pawn takes Pawn; Pawn takes other Pawn; Pawn takes another Pawn; New Pawn keeps taking the same Pawn; (They're all just basically fucking. It's gross); Check.]

Pawn takes Pawn; Pawn takes other Pawn; Pawn takes another Pawn; New Pawn keeps taking the same Pawn; (They're all just basically fucking. It's gross); Check.

[Castle takes Queen; Bishop takes Castle; Horse takes Bishop(‘s celibacy); Check]

Castle takes Queen; Bishop takes Castle; Horse takes Bishop(‘s celibacy); Check

[Rook takes Knight; Bishop takes Rook; Queen takes (a shit on) Bishop; Check]

Rook takes Knight; Bishop takes Rook; Queen takes (a shit on) Bishop; Check

[That's not the Pope greeting his congregation from the Pope-mobile; that's Opus Dei displaying for the world that they've imprisoned the Earthly Voice of God in a car-bubble cage.]

That's not the Pope greeting his congregation from the Pope-mobile; that's Opus Dei displaying for the world that they've imprisoned the Earthly Voice of God in a car-bubble cage.

[I don’t care if this water-dwelling pachyderm murdered Chuck E Cheese and invented dick cancer, I’m duty-bound by the Hippo(potamus)cratic Oath to ensure its survival.]

I don’t care if this water-dwelling pachyderm murdered Chuck E Cheese and invented dick cancer, I’m duty-bound by the Hippo(potamus)cratic Oath to ensure its survival.

[Sent my taxes to the IBS and now my ass is not only more inflamed, but it's being audited.]

Sent my taxes to the IBS and now my ass is not only more inflamed, but it's being audited.

[Went to the robot store and they were all out of RoButts.]

Went to the robot store and they were all out of RoButts.

[If you thought Uncle Fester was a bit much to handle, wait till you meet Aunt Fister.]

oh dear lord ... the light bulb.

[Is that a mirror on my ceiling or am I just happy to see me?]

Nice one!

[Before it was called tether ball on school playgrounds, it was called tether these balls, and before that, tether DEEZ NUTZ.]

Before it was called tether ball on school playgrounds, it was called tether these balls, and before that, tether DEEZ NUTZ.

[Finally spelled 'BOOBLESS' on my abacus.]

Finally spelled 'BOOBLESS' on my abacus.

[100% of unicorns deny the leprechaun genocide ever happened. Think about that.]

100% of unicorns deny the leprechaun genocide ever happened. Think about that.

[Dolphin pink undies make me feel sexy. Dolph Lundgren in pink undies makes me feel inadequexy.]

Dolphin pink undies make me feel sexy. Dolph Lundgren in pink undies makes me feel inadequexy.

[Kids, here’s the truth: we didn’t give your koala-rat back to the nice man in Chinatown. I fed it late last night and it turned into a lizard, ate the cat, and started trying on your mother’s dresses. We had to kill it.]

Kids, here’s the truth: we didn’t give your koala-rat back to the nice man in Chinatown. I fed it late last night and it turned into a lizard, ate the cat, and started trying on your mother’s dresses. We had to kill it.

[I don't know how much more descriptive I can get: imagine the fuzzy stuff is human skin ... it's a fleshy pipe cleaner.]

I don't know how much more descriptive I can get: imagine the fuzzy stuff is human skin ... it's a fleshy pipe cleaner.

[The Sphincter’s Riddle: What goes in (the butt) four inches in the morning, two inches at noon, and three inches in the evening?]

Ooff ... that's good.  I couldn't get beyond breakfast, lunch, and dinner dildos.  Perhaps the answer shall remain a mystery.

[Adam Scott and Harris Wittels]

I gott do another re-listen of the farts and procreation eps.

[The Sphincter’s Riddle: What goes in (the butt) four inches in the morning, two inches at noon, and three inches in the evening?]

The Sphincter’s Riddle: What goes in (the butt) four inches in the morning, two inches at noon, and three inches in the evening?

 

*200th catchphrase...it’s an achievement, and a sad one at that.

[King Kong ain’t got shit on some people, but he literally got shit on me when he took a shit on me and my dog. We nearly died.]

King Kong ain’t got shit on some people, but he literally got shit on me when he took a shit on me and my dog. We nearly died.