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Everything posted by StopEatingBees

  1. Helen Keller flew a plane once, which you don't allow unless you sorta want her to crash
  2. My main criticism of the centaur is this: why can't they kiss when they make love?
  3. I'm better than Hitler but I don't know how to prove it
  4. Thanks to inflation, an ounce of prevention is only worth about an ounce of cure. So, go nuts.
  5. Morse code is a GREAT way to communicate at glory holes
  6. Once I find a bowling pin, some olive oil, and a signed consent form, this scavenger hunt is as good as over!
  7. Shout out to fire, you may have killed my family but you sure grill a tasty steak
  8. I stole a guy's t-shirt and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. And a gander at some sweet man titties
  9. If ninjas are so sneaky then how come we know about em
  10. I eat lightning, but despite my best digestive efforts, I still crap poop.
  11. Periods may stop sentences but they won't stop me.
  12. When you masturbate in the rain, nobody can tell you're crying
  13. If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll want a glass of milk. That's when you slip him the roofie
  14. Hand to God, I thought The Plug Bag was a sex thing
  15. StopEatingBees

    Hand to God, I thought The Plug Bag was a sex thing

    I appreciate this solidarity
  16. My prison name was Mitochondria because I was the powerhouse of the cell
  17. Release the Mortal Kombat butthole cut
  18. Like orphans on a swingset, we push each other to greater heights
  19. Instructor says you shouldn't have your balls out while hang gliding, but I dunno, it just feels right
  20. She had a bun in the oven. Man, she sure bakes a tasty bun for a pregnant chick.
  21. Between a Rock and a hard place, is a condom. I got you, Dwayne.
  22. I'm doing my part to promote gender equality by getting paid less than I should be
  23. Gaze longingly, upon mine tight physique, For I work out, and wiggle! And repeat.
  24. If you could take away a typewriter and add a monkey, then you don't really have infinite monkeys
  25. All I'm saying is, if I were Achilles, I'd have worn tougher shoes