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Everything posted by StopEatingBees

  1. The way to a woman's heart isn't the pink OR the stink, it's the mind. Find a way to finger THAT and you're in
  2. Peppa Pig can go to hell. This isn't a catchphrase
  3. Oh, you like The Smiths? Forge me a claymore.
  4. Moment of silence for my balls, who died valiantly in the Shrivel War
  5. Kneel before Zod, except after C
  6. Haven't seen any crazy straws in a while. Damn political correctness
  7. I'm just saying crazy stuff now so I can seamlessly transition to senility later on
  8. I bought a pedometer but it just keeps flashing the word "probably"
  9. Dunston Checks In, but he doesn't check out
  10. I told her to treat me like a Shake Weight, she put me in the closet for 8 months
  11. For Sale: Baby shoes. I make baby shoes.
  12. If you throw a boomerang just after you're born, it'll return just before you die of your cool new boomerang wound.
  13. The shark begged for chum, and I chame all over his face
  14. It's funny that they call this pudding, because I'm "pudding" it in my butt
  15. Be sure to use a condom when smuggling cocaine, and only when smuggling cocaine
  16. It's not chivalry, it's chigiorno
  17. I hope Solomon measured twice
  18. Just saw the How It's Made episode on beef jerky, pretty cut & dry
  19. I guess Batman is cool to be out all night because he doesn't have a bedtime anymore
  20. When Jesus was washing his 12 Apostles' feet, how do you think he hid his boner
  21. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man wonders why there's so many traffic lights
  22. What loving God would harden our wieners in the morning while weakening our hands
  23. In my culture, an empty bottle is its own message.
  24. You chicks think your pussies are soooo great.
  25. Just did all my sock laundry, now I gotta toss in a Plan B pill with the next load