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Everything posted by StopEatingBees

  1. I feel you, soup. I, too, thicken when starches are added
  2. Oh man, I just took a dump on Jack Dorsey's desk
  3. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the normal-sized rocks in this huge hourglass
  4. If that fat lady don't sing, it's over when I buy you a diamond ring
  5. Not saying my teacher was hot but me and my friends all got straight D's that year
  6. The safest place to be during a Jackie Chan attack is inside his fist
  7. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Dillard's is the place to poop in public
  8. Well, I cracked corn, and I ate world. What's next up on the docket for ol' Jimmy?
  9. All in all you're just another kick in the balls
  10. I came here to chew gum and kick ass. Maybe just the gum, I brought a lot of gum.
  11. If you rolled a grenade under the stall door, maybe I'd finish faster
  12. "Maybe I'll go into hentai, maybe not," said Heisenberg's Uncertainty Tentacle
  13. Why is 6 afraid of 7? Racism.
  14. There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. Sure. THAT, she'll swallow.
  15. I hope my balls never find out that I'm not the suave lothario they've been led to believe I am
  16. Somewhere out there, there's still whole rooms of people who Zack Morris never unfroze
  17. Nobody ever talks about the ball-peen hammer despite being hilarious
  18. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge the draft
  19. Pain is temporary. Pride is temporary. We're all going to die, and it's a miracle.
  20. Take your balls out at the urinal to let the other guys know you mean business
  21. As my grandpa said on his deathbed, "Get me off of this deathbed!"
  22. Erwin Schrodinger put his dick in a box & it became both hard and soft
  23. How many monkeys you think Tarzan boned before Jane showed up? It's not zero.
  24. Hey baby, do you have a beef carpet? And if so, does it match your curtains? Because you got those.