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Content count
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Joined
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Last visited
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Days Won
29
Posts posted by StopEatingBees
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Breastfeeding may be better for the baby but at least I can stare at formula with a vacant gaze and nobody calls 911
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The dish ran away with the spoon. Good to find out she's a whore before our wedding date, but it still hurts.
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My body is a Wonderland, now make like Alice
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The Mask, but it's just Jim Carrey hallucinating his own cartoon antics while being genuinely shot
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This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a jerkoff
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Let's make like a tree and allow small rodents to nest in our holes
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I'm like a banana - if you peel my skin off and throw it on the floor, you could slip & hurt yourself
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If we weren't supposed to eat babies, God wouldn't have made them delicious
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If you hate garlic, you're not invited into my house whether you're a vampire or not
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Your first genie wish should be for him to kick himself in the nuts. That way, maybe he won't grant your second wish ironically.
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Thought I felt something on my dick just now, but I guess it was just God's eyes
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Maybe this is the one, the one I won't come back from
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Peter Piper drank a pack of Dr. Peppers
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Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey, tighty-whitey, Gary Busey
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Can't, too busy removing Waldo from all your kid's Waldo books
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The bottomless steak fries at Red Robin weren't wearing panties sure enough, but somehow I still feel misled.
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Do they make a butt plug that's also a fishing pole or am I gonna have to get crafty
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On the 4th day of Christmas, here's 4 more goddamn birds
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Girl, are you a Greek goddess, because your tits are out and your arms are gone
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Hi, I'm Jim Morrison, and this is my dad, Morris Jimsdad
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Just drank a pot of coffee. I'm still tired, but at least my turds are motivated.
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Avoidhavingsexwithgrapefruitorgrapefruitjuice
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If a hot goblin king with a huge dong ever kidnaps me, maybe just mind your business.
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Is that what that is
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Man, bolt cutters don't SAY that they're dick cutters, but I guess they're a tool of many talents
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Posted
Man, bolt cutters don't SAY that they're dick cutters, but I guess they're a tool of many talents