It’s tough being a history teacher that gets aroused by World War ll. It can be a real battle of the bulge if you know what I mean.

[It’s tough being a history teacher that gets aroused by World War ll. It can be a real battle of the bulge if you know what I mean.]

It’s tough being a history teacher that gets aroused by World War ll. It can be a real battle of the bulge if you know what I mean.

[Slide to the left. Slide to the right. Rent wasn’t cancelled so the park is where I sleep at night.]

Slide to the left. Slide to the right. Rent wasn’t cancelled so the park is where I sleep at night.

[I asked the indifferent masseuse for a happy ending. They responded with a shrug and tug.]

I asked the indifferent masseuse for a happy ending. They responded with a shrug and tug.

[It’ll slice, it’ll dice, it’ll make your new wife’s daughter be nice. It’s been a tough year.]

It’ll slice, it’ll dice, it’ll make your new wife’s daughter be nice. Its been a tough year.

[Squeaky Fromme went to prom, where she got real bored. When she did, god forbid, she ran into Gerald Ford.]

Squeaky Fromme went to prom

where she got real bored

when she did god forbid

she ran into Gerald Ford.

[It was 20 years ago tomorrow that I was eye fucked by Dave Navarro]

It was 20 years ago tomorrow that I was eye fucked by Dave Navarro 

[As a carpenter Jesus was great with his hands, but not as a lover...he got that stigmata dentata]

As a carpenter Jesus was great with his hands, but not as a lover...he got that stigmata dentata

[Watch me whip, hear her neigh neigh. I race horses.]

Watch me whip, hear her neigh neigh. I race horses.

[Contrary to what the government tells you, crossbreeding with ruminants can be exhausting. Wake up, sheeple!]

Contrary to what the government tells you, crossbreeding with ruminants can be exhausting. Wake up, sheeple!

[I built a white picket fence around my perineum. It’s a quaint taint.]

Meow

[In tonight’s performance of Grease the role of Senor Chang Changity Chang she-bop will be played by Ken Jeong]

In tonight’s performance of Grease the role of Senor Chang Changity Chang she-bop will be played by Ken Jeong

[I built a water based vehicle that runs on toxic masculinity and nostalgia. I call it a Cameron Crowe-boat.]

I built a water based vehicle that runs on toxic masculinity and nostalgia. I call it a Cameron Crowe-boat.

[.]

.

[Garry Marshall made me a glazed tenderloin. It was pork and minty. Nanu Nanu]

Garry Marshall made me a glazed tenderloin. It was pork and minty. Nanu Nanu

[Blue Grover, blue Grover send Kermit right over]

Blue Grover, blue Grover send Kermit right over

[I like my Islands like I like my dongs. Long, strong and down to get the friction on.]

I like my Islands like I like my dongs. Long, strong and down to get the friction on.

[Werner Herzog has a hog that hurts]

Werner Herzog has a hog that hurts. 

[No, I take orders from this lamb. I can not be the son of Sam.]

No, I take orders from this lamb. I can not be the son of Sam.

[A. Always. B. Be. C. Clowning.]

A. Always. B. Be. C. Clowning. 

[Dinner party? I thought you said Donner Party.]

Dinner party? I thought you said Donner Party. 

[Flesh, never frozen.]

Flesh, never frozen.

[Tell me all your thoughts on sod, cause I really want to peat her.]

Tell me all your thoughts on sod, cause I really want to peat her.

[Tell me all your thoughts on cod, cause I would really like to eat her]

Tell me all your thoughts on cod, cause I would really like to eat her

[Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the butt of an unwashed nun]

Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the butt of an unwashed nun

[If your Joel Mchale talks for more than 5 hours consult your doctor about euthanasia.]

If your Joel Mchale talks for more than 5 hours consult your doctor about euthanasia.