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Everything posted by Kevllis

  1. Danger’s not my middle name
  2. I just got here tho I guess I’ve always been self conscious about using my standard profile name, and not some kooky name like DonJuanSawMyButthole, or something
  3. You say potato, I say what about potatoes, what is it with you and these fuckin potatoes?
  4. Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!!...... they, the organized crime family of course
  5. I thought I just cut the quick, but doctor says I lost a bunch of my pinky
  6. Now that I figured out my cat Maebel is actually a boy, it’s pretty weird that I’ve been kissing him on the mouth this whole time
  7. Cats are really just smaller, domesticated versions of bigger cats
  8. Well if you think you’re better than me, Randall Park, why don’t you fucking host this show- YOURE the one who’s a loser!
  9. after a long night of eating skittles and watching YouTube alone, end it with alka-seltzer heartburn reliefchews: they’re still *kinda* like skittles
  10. Get tha fuuck outta here!...... how many times has this been suggested yet??
  11. Gymnasts must go through an awful amount of mental gymnastics
  12. Can someone massage my feet without all the direct eye contact?
  13. To all the fathers out there on this day..... YOU’RE NOT ME REAL DAD!
  14. Hey The Kinks- get with the times, nobody knows what a “party line” is anymore
  15. If you’re over at my place, and we’re about to hook up, and you tell me you’ve never seen “I Think You Should Leave” then I think you should.....stay, because I’m so fucking lonely... please stay
  16. Hey Scott, I’ve been to a Weird Al show, and he does say what’s up hotdog! God bless
  17. My therapist is real annoyed with my “yes, and” style of deflection
  18. “BLUE, YOU’RE MY BOY” HAHAHA what an old school reference from a movie I can’t remember the name of
  19. That’s a knife, and this is also a knife. We both have knives- hello this is Crocodile Dundee, and I think you suck
  20. Copy and past Copy and past Copy and past Copy and past Cop.... pee and PA St..? a cop is peeing on Pennsylvania street?!!! -now let me just hit delete on this catchphrase
  21. Dr. Chet said I need prescription socks
  22. Hens, laundry, lettuce, dogs, Wendy’s........ boot
  23. Everything’s “farm to table” when you live at a Kroger’s
  24. Hackers of the world- unit!