There were plenty of navy blue Smurfs in that village, but none ever made it on camera. Racism.

[There were plenty of navy blue Smurfs in that village, but none ever made it on camera. Racism.]

Given all the historical evidence, there is no way Jesus Smurf was not dark blue. Wake up people.  

[Something bad about the U.S. Post office.]

Something bad about the U.S. Post office. 

[Catchphrases are like assholes; we've all got 'em and it's fun to put other peoples' in your ears.]

Catchphrases are like assholes; we've all got 'em and it's fun to put other peoples' in your ears. 

[I never met a load I didn't bust, except the ookie cookie I got from with Gourley and Rust.]

I never met a load I didn't bust, except the ookie cookie I got from with Gourley and Rust. 

[I haven't the stomach for miso since those Hollywood fat cats canceled my SeeSo.]

I haven't the stomach for miso since those Hollywood fat cats canceled my SeeSo. 

 

Soupless bitch...

[Why do they call it bustin' a nut, when the only thing I actually busted was dat ass?]

Why do they call it bustin' a nut, when the only thing I actually busted was dat ass?

 

Uncle Scott tears it up I bet. 

[Threedom isn't free, but like many Earwolf podcasts, you can find it on Stitcher Premium.]

Threedom isn't free, but like many Earwolf podcasts, you can find it on Stitcher Premium. 

[Two in the A, M, or the V? I'll do my best, having only one D.]

Two in the A, M, or the V? I'll do my best, having only one D. 

[Keep honking, I'm downloading.]

 Keep honking, I'm downloading. 

[It’s time for catchphrase submitters to unionize.]

TootyBut for Union Prez

[Chris Gaines is simultaneously my celebrity crush and my amateur bodybuilding stage name.]

Chris Gaines is simultaneously my celebrity crush and my amateur bodybuilding stage name. 

[It's not cheating if this is the Matrix. Prove it isn't.]

It's always not cheating if we live in the Eatrix. 

[Kenny Loggins is simultaneously my celebrity crush and my amateur scat porn screen name.]

Kenny Loggins is simultaneously my celebrity crush and my amateur scat porn screen name. 

[Methinks a grain of sand is just a rock, while the clit is the head of the female cock.]

Methinks a grain of sand is just a rock, while the clit is the head of the female cock. 

 

It's science. 

[From death ray to bang bang, from beater to A-frame; this Jason Mantz' tattoo on my calf shows where my 'nong hangs.]

From death ray to bang bang, from beater to A-frame; this Jason Mantz' tattoo on my calf shows where my 'nong hangs. 

 

hangnongman

[The feet are the vagina of the sole.]

The feet are the vagina of the sole. 

[Do fanboys dream of authentic queefs?]

Do fanboys dream of authentic queefs? 

 

A lot of counterfeit queefs on the net these days...

[On the 16th anniversary you give wax, and on the 25th silver, but it all starts on the wedding night when you gift a white river.]

On the 16th anniversary you give wax, and on the 25th silver, but it all starts on the wedding night when you gift a white river. 

[My doctor misdiagnosed my I.B.S. and chronic fatigue, but it explains why I'm too tired to clean the shit out my jeans.]

My doctor misdiagnosed my I.B.S. and chronic fatigue, but it explains why I'm too tired to clean the shit out my jeans. 

[When it comes to lunch, eatin' ain't cheating, but when it comes to farts, beefin' ain't queefing.]

When it comes to lunch, eatin' ain't cheating, but when it comes to farts, beefin' ain't queefing. 

[The second place finisher is the first place loser; sloppy seconds, however, just means a primed coozer.]

The second place finisher is the first place loser; sloppy seconds, however, just means a primed coozer. 

[Kurt Loder is simultaneously my celebrity crush and my amateur porn name.]

Kurt Loder is simultaneously my celebrity crush and my amateur porn name. 

[As an uneducated analingus enthusiast, I always find myself craving Aspergers.]

As an uneducated analingus enthusiast, I always find myself craving Aspergers. 

[Am I getting laid? Brother, you betcha; I'm knee deep in puss from my dual motor Tesla.]

Am I getting laid? Brother, you betcha; I'm knee deep in puss from my dual motor Tesla.

['Casts rule everything around me; C.R.E.A.M. Get the funny, Tarver Tarver 'tent ya'll.]

'Casts rule everything around me; C.R.E.A.M. Get the funny, Tarver Tarver 'tent ya'll.

 

Don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but use this one for a Drew Tarver episode probably.