zoey

Drinking vodka and playing tetris. Just like the Russians intended. I think communism might be the answer, guys.

Posted super ugly pics of myself on tumblr. Be warned.

Lyndon Baines Johnson? RT @mental_floss Before he wrote Jaws, Peter Benchley was a speechwriter for President Lyndon Johnson.

I bet Dick Cheney screamed CALIMA and then ripped out his own heart.

On my way to a wedding. Just road raged at someone "...because I'm a lady you mother fucking cock sucker!"

Emma Stone is societies redo for Lindsay Lohan

What a Russian. RT @EugeneMirman By redistibuting all the followers! MT @MMFlint Only 1,500 until 1M followers! How should we celebrate?

I don't want to brag, however, here goes: I've EGOT'd. By that I mean people who have won those things have told me I'm funny.

Six minutes into @DaveHolmes taco exploration. Taco bell during the day. Think he hates himself yet?

Not being metioned by @CuddlahArmy for #FF? Consider it a compliment. The way you congratulate yourself on not having AIDS.

one month to LA!

Two people told me I looked beautiful today. They were both homeless. Still gonna take it.

A magical hobo who used her last dollar for her own name. Rub her snaggletooth and she'll grant you 3 wishes! @SittinontheRitz Who's Ke$ha?

Live tweeted via DM this 'American Juggalo' doc to @SittinontheRitz yesterday. Had REAL weird dream. Is karma real?

Number of times I sing "show me show me show me" way before Just Like Heaven actually starts? Every.

I think I love @SittinontheRitz. Not in a normal way, but in a #C4FknL way. Which is creepier and involves cardigans and gryphons!

LA from April 26 end of May. Let's do something bitches!

What's the better way to convience @boonepickens to get me in and pay for my geology degree at #OSU? Youtube video? Twitter bomb?

RUUFIOOOO RT @JenniferDawnTXI hadn't felt her move all day. When she finally did I said "Oh THERE you are, Peter!!". My kid will be weird.

Downton Abbey > Little Dorrit #MasterpiecePBS

I need to go to @MoontowerComedy Festival. Someone buy me a pass.

I'm about to make this horchata my bitch.

I have a hyper tolerance to gluten.

Why do I have so many different level filled water bottles in my car, you ask? I'm doing an experiment called "can water go bad".

Just walked past a band piling into an RV at guad &4th that smells like a dispensary. Brb, about to make new friends. #sxsw.