Quasar Sniffer

Since Mr. Fogelnest has often expressed his fondness for both documentaries and video footage of weird stuff, I thought this documentary on a now-defunct, LA-based cable channel that rivaled HBO in the region it was available would only be appropriate for discussion:

How about the King is basically an evil prick (or at least a milquetoast and duplicitous one) for just so gleefully encouraging these "games" to exist, for having a village of criminally insane cannibals, and forcing his daughter to marry some other evil prick with hair almost as dumb as Kurt Thomas'. It's ok because his daughter yells at him for ten seconds at the end and he turns "good." I'm guessing the Reagan administration would have spotted this central Asian backwater, figureheaded by an amoral chump with a mustache and actually led by an asshole in a sleeveless vest, and saw it as the perfect testing ground for a new weapons program (named after a much better movie). I love the movie's post-script too, saying that the Star Wars program was installed and whatever, like the killing of a few ninjas gave the world the technology to shoot down nuclear missiles with laser beams. More Crazy: Cabot's Dad comes back from the dead for half a minute, then gets hit by an arrow... but maybe lives because we see him on a horse in the background for five seconds? Most importantly: Why is there a stone POMMEL HORSE in the middle of Insanitytown? Holy shit. Maybe that's why Jonathan Cabot was recruited in the first place? Because that Intelligence Agency knew he could use his Olympic skills to fend off the criminally shitballs?

The more I think about it, the more I think a Southland Tales episode should be an Analyze Phish-style Earwolf Presents special, where the guests are other Earwolf hosts and/or regulars. Maybe call it Analyze Phish: Southland Tails? It's just so long, has so many people, and is so insane that you could easily do more than one podcast on it. I would actually like to know HOW it got made, because it has the sort of bonkers science fiction premise that an indie movie like Primer might have... it just also cost as much as a Fast and the Furious movie to make and has The Rock AND Bai Ling in it... Justine Timberlake AND Jon Lovitz. WHAT THE HELL?!?! So yeah, one podcast could be the details concerning how it actually happened, then another dissecting what happened on screen... which could be several episodes itself, really.

As someone who loves horror movies, I welcome to chance to watch/make fun of shitty horror movies, especially ones that can't decide what the hell they are. It makes things more awkward, which is always good for mockery. I may have to check these out anyway, as I can't resist a pun title as good as "The Second Story." They even have great posters!

I love the shit out of this movie. I want to hug it and give it candy. I would be glad to listen to a HDTGM episode around it, but I just might defend its ridiculous merits rather than make derisive comments.

Also, is there a more clear way to identify a script that just doesn't give a shit when the movie is rife with expository dialogue that begins with the phrase "As you well know..."? Well, if you know that he knows it, why the hell are you telling him again? This happens about a dozen times in this movie and, as you well know*, this is a script that doesn't give a shit. *See what I did there, guys? HUH?!?! Funny stuff.

I've known about this movie for forever and actually watched it a year or so ago... but I think I forgot that I had seen it. I'm watching it right now and... it's really weird. Like, I clearly remember some sequences but other scenes are totally new to me. It's as if part of my brain tried to block the movie from my memory, but failed due to its overwhelming crapitude and my mind was only able to repress half of it. Maybe this movie causes mental breakdowns?

Really, this movie is a series of unfunny and unconnected sketches that takes the Crocodile Dundee character and puts him on various Los Angeles studio backlots and other LA locations. Maybe that's why Dundee is sometimes able to... educate his Outback comrades on the ways of "The Big City," while at other times he seems totally ignorant of how things work. I mean, he's still foiled by remote controls and a bath tub. It's like he's a time traveler from the 19th Century and just came to early 21st Century America last week and now thinks he's an expert. Incidentally, that would make a better movie than this one. Speaking of making a movie on a studio backlot... maybe that's a cost-saving measure? You don't need to build any sets if your movie's climax takes place somewhere that requires there be NO set, or at least a purposely cheap-looking one. On the cusp of the Breaking Bad premiere, I loved seeing Jonathan Banks showing up in a character-actor-type role, especially something as trashy as this. It gave me reason to continue watching. And finally, do you need a smarmy villain for your TV show or film? Jere Burns will do it, and do it well. Another Breaking Bad connection, even though he wasn't even slightly villainous when on that show.

I know we all know this exists, but since Jake has expressed his love for Devo and we've had discussions of Rolling Stone covers on the show in the past, I figured it was time to talk about how great this song is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jadvt7CbH1o

I feel like Scott was unable to grasp the whole point of this episode, nay, The Fogelnest Files itself. He kept his derision to a maximum throughout the whole episode while our intrepid host kept insisting that this was more of a celebration of how much people were enjoying themselves, even if they look ridiculous and silly doing so. Sure, that kid with the katana is an awkward weirdo, but he is SO EXCITED at the prospect of getting the thing he likes, he got his family together to film him unwrapping it. And hell, I'm awkward and weird as hell, but am also way more cynical and full of misanthropy then that kid, so which one of us is a happier human? Also, I may love Devo, but I've never been able to get together with another Devo fan and lip-sync to "Whip It" while shirtless inside a factory.

All I know is that you definitely should not bring a baby because that has happened before and seriously, what the hell are people thinking? Sorry, I bet this is not helpful but it's all I have.

I actually agree that the alien story was played out, even by season 7, so a non-alien, monster of the week-type movie could definitely have worked... if done right. This was not. There were certainly very out-there, supernatural-heavy episodes in the series that didn't have any conspiracy or extraterrestrial elements to them. I also missed the John Doggett character, at least in the form the movie took, taking place very much in the world of the FBI. What made this even worse was that the Xzibit and Amanda Peet characters took the exact same role as Doggett would have; in that they provided opposition and support and motivation for Mulder and Scully. Hell, even some of the dialogue spoken by Xzibit could have been put in Doggett's mouth... it would just have been 100 times better because Robert Patrick is really fucking good at acting. Xzibit is not.

As a HUGE fan of the show and someone who really enjoyed the first movie, I was of course enormously disappointed by this failed attempt at a film. However, I don't think it would make a good episode of the podcast. It's just a big pile of boredom and failure-derived sadness. It's nothing but a source of frustration for fans of the show, and for people who aren't fans, it's a huge pile of "who gives a fuck?" I actually listened to the commentary on this and it was clear that Chris Carter, the writer and director, had no clue what to do with the story and, at least in my opinion, should have let another director (and maybe even another writer) take the reigns. I mean, I love a lot of the episodes Carter directed, but some of them were misses and it's not like there was a lack of talent in the X-Files pool of writers and directors. I mean, Kim Manners? Vince Gilligan? Give me a break.

Fuck everything. I saw this, and I liked it. It's unnecessary and long, but so is every other summer blockbuster, so I don't care about that. It's not any more violent than, say, 'Iron Man 3,' and the much-discussed "heart-eating" scene happens off screen. As far as its level of racism and Tonto being a museum piece Indian, it acknowledges to legacy of the character by reminding you of it, then subverts that image and redresses it. It's almost like Tonto reverts to his pigeon English when talking to the Lone Ranger because he feels the Lone Ranger is an incompetent idiot, so the Stupid Fucking White Man* must be talked to like a child. He has no time to discuss things with the people that are murdering his tribe, so he speaks efficiently, not stupidly. At least that's how I saw it. I thought it addressed the topic of racism in as intelligent a way that you can ask in a movie like this. If you think the mere fact that Depp plays a Native American having little (if any) Native American ancestry himself is racist, that's one thing. While I might disagree with you on whether or not that is inherently racist, the film is basically about the racism and genocide enacted upon Native Americans, so I definitely would not describe is as racist itself. I also don't get critics complaining that this film tries to both satirize a the Western genre and BE a straight-ahead Western at the same time. Western films have been commenting on, subverting, modifying, playing-with, etc. the genre since fucking 'Stagecoach,' so I don't get why this movie is not allowed to do so. I mean, there are INCREDIBLY broad comedic moments in a movie like 'High Plains Drifter,' but in that film, Clint Eastwood rapes and murders people. For real. Sure, that movie is quite a different beast from 'The Lone Ranger,' but I'm just saying the genre has seen greater shifts in tone within the same movie many times before. *And yes, there are points that reminded me of Jim Jarmusch's 'Dead Man," with Depp playing the spiritual guide to the aforementioned whitey rather than whitey himself. I like that movie too, but for rather different reasons.

I think what the movie was TRYING to get at was that Hawke made the right choice by letting in the homeless guy because, even if he fed the dude to the Asshole Kids, his neighbors would have stormed his house and killed him and his family anyway. The film is so lazy in its plot and characterization that this never comes across, at least like it should. Speaking of those Asshole Kids, the moment they came on the screen, I knew I couldn't take the movie seriously... or at least as seriously as I should take home invasion horror movies. They seemed like they were from central casting for Douchebag Frat Boys from a Revenge of the Nerds movie or PCU. I felt like a young Jeremy Piven or Anthony Edwards would show up and prank them and the movie would be over.

Even more shirt from this movie: -John Spartan just fucking forgets about his own daughter. -This is a society so tightly controlled that it has managed to eliminate both toilet paper and fucking, but cannot root out ratburger-eating graffiti artists living in the sewers. -According to IMDB... "Even though Jonathan Lemkin was the last writer working on the movie and drafted its shooting script, he lost the Writers Guild arbitration and his name does not appear in the credits. However, the movie's novelization lists him as one of the authors of the screenplay." There is a fucking NOVELIZATION of this movie. What? http://www.amazon.com/Demolition-Man-Robert-Tine/dp/0451180798/ref=pd_sim_sbs_b_1

I also found this interesting, concerning the real-life product placement shenanigans behind the movie's "Franchise Wars." "For some non-American releases, references to Taco Bell were changed to Pizza Hut because the latter had a much larger share of foreign fast food markets in the early 1990s. This includes dubbing, plus changing the logos during post-production. Taco Bell remains in the closing credits. In the Swedish release the subtitles still use Taco Bell while the sound and picture has been altered as above. The original version released in Australia (on VHS) contained Taco Bell, yet the newer version on DVD was changed both in logo and dubbing to Pizza Hut. (In the scene where the restaurant patrons are looking through the glass window to the fight scene outside, "Taco Bell" can be seen etched into the glass, even in the modified version.)" No matter how dumb that whole business is, it still makes more sense than "Franchise Wars" resulting in all restaurants becoming Taco Bell.

This is a movie in which Dennis Leary leads a ground of starving underground (literally) rebels; not because he wants freedom of speech, expression, religion, or the right to political elections; but because he wants to smoke cigarettes and eat cheeseburgers.

This movie fucking delivers. I love it a little too much for my own good. How do you make Treat Williams interesting enough to tolerate for 90 minutes? You fucking kill him. Also, Vincent Price.

More or less disturbing than knowing THIS guy did the voice?

What if someone was tone-deaf AND blind, thereby unable to read all-caps posts on the internet? Oh man, sarcasm would be TOTALLY UNREACHABLE FOR THEM!!! In conclusion: the worst part about being blind would be the lack of internet message board activity.

What the fuuuuuuuck? Yeah, this might be too obscure for an actual episode, but I am thankful you brought this to our collective attention. The 70s were weird sometimes.

That is a fair point, but I think Michael Caine has committed himself far better in his senior years than De Niro has (appropriate, since Caine spent his middle years wading in fields of crap.... an example of which can be seen in episode 44 of THIS VERY PODCAST!). Plus, it's not like De Niro has to embarrass himself with movies like this. Unless he has money trouble, I don't know why he doesn't just let the "greatest actor of his generation"* praise wash over him and do the occasional 'Silver Linings Playbook' when it comes along. I know it's hard to judge a film's future quality just from it's script, but Jesus, some of the choices he makes... *I'm not saying he is, just that a lot of people refer to him as such.

I am in general agreement with Lando and hold the Rocky series to be, on the whole, fucking great. I'm in line with the public consensus that shits on the fifth one, but I hold that 'Rocky Balboa' is thoroughly enjoyable and I adore the franchise in general. I'm not such a fan of 2 since it kind of turns Rocky into a lumbering retarded child in the beginning (rather than just...slow), but I think it's still pretty great. The third and fourth movies are wonderful examples of eighties cheese and I think the series as a whole shines a light on how Stallone could be a great artist (he wrote the first one, after all) and an astute businessman (he built the franchise off of himself, basically). Of course, he would later go insane and think 'Stop, Or My Mom Will Shoot' was a good idea, but he wouldn't be the first actor or screenwriter to make a bad decision. I think the franchise's ability to go from Rags to Riches, then Riches to Rags and back again is part of its appeal and it does so successfully. Also, greasy, sweaty, shirtless dudes hit each other and it is both exceedingly homoerotic AND manly. Apollo Creed for life, you guys.

The action pairing no one was waiting for is finally here: Robert De Niro and John Travolta play military veterans bent on killing each other in the woods! John Travolta combines a terrible accent with terrible facial hair to play a Serbian bent on getting revenge on De Niro, an American veteran. According to the movie's synopsis, the phrase "the purest form of war is one-on-one" is an age-old adage.... and this film proves it! [media=''] [/media] Also, a kinda-sorta remake in everything but name to 1981's 'Death Hunt,' starring Charles Bronson and Lee Marvin. Except, you know, the leads in 'Death Hunt' could kick all our collective asses even now rather than sicking Scientology or awkward stares at us. http://www.imdb.com/...82247/reference