Pat Bertoletti (pronounced: Bert-oh-I-give-up) just took an iconic American summer cuisine, hot dogs, and turned them into tube steaks. Really, is there a better way to celebrate America than to rock a HENDERSON headband on our nation's birthday after gently consuming 53 and a half -- oh, I'm counting the half! -- tube steaks? That was classic. The only thing that could have possibly made it better was for another contestant (I'm looking at you, Mister X) to miss his mouth with the large yellow Nathan's mega-cup, causing him to inadvertenly choke on a bun, get all bent out of shape and sue Nathan's for damages. Sklarbatration would likely ensue. Wait, that would have been the BEST THING that could have happened, especially if Pat is a LegalZoomer. Boom.