Jump to content
🔒 The Earwolf Forums are closed Read more... ×

jparkeriv

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Content count

    33

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by jparkeriv

  11. Posted

    Dear Bob,

     

    First, I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you've missed out on the sock hop again Bob :(/> It sounds like you were really looking forward to it, and it's always particularly enraging to miss an event due to an equipment failure. I definitely won't be buying any bamboo socks in the future! I remember in 2009 when I had to miss the Blind Psychic Fair when, due to a hot car mishap, the plastic lenses of my cheap coke bottle prop glasses warped into into a particularly effective angle, and fairgoers discovered I could see. I lost a lot of friends that day, and it continues to haunt me as a particularly large source of shame.

     

    I wasn't comfortable with the term Depresskimos, and I'm thankful you've encouraged us to find our own identities. I hail from the north of America, where the winters are long and depressing. I like to call it Minne-so-low-self-esteem.

     

    Suicide is often on my mind, and I appreciate the chance to talk about it. Recently on my mind is a rare medical condition I suffer from called Fornication Autoimmune Lethargy (AKA: FAIL), which prevents me from making sweet love or even finding a beloved. My own immune system has tragically gone to war with my genitals, rendering them overweight and inoperable. My scrotum resembles scabbed cantelopes inside of a pathetic skinned honey badger hide. To make things worse, my penis has swelled up to resemble the type of jumbo summer sausage you can only find at Sam's Club. Who would ever have me? Sigh...

     

    On a positive note, I had a suicidal situation last weekend that took a self-affirming turn. I went to a large gathing of what I assumed was Gay(happy!) Lakeside Boat Tracks (GLBT), as I enjoy remote control boat regadas as much as you, Bob. A certain hip hop song came on, and I was told the African American gentleman who was singing was named Frank Ocean, and that he was in fact homosexual. Now, not knowing the parlance of our times, I may have used the "f" word to describe him when replying that all along I suspected this 80's singer of "Caribbean Queen" was in fact singing to a drag queen, and was in fact himself a "homosexual". Well, the crowd didn't take well to that. I was held down as members covered me in makeup, lipstick, wigs, fishnet stockings and...crotchless panties. I was then thrown into the trunk of a car, and eventually dropped off at a reintegration facility for released federal prisoners. Needless to say, what happened was not pretty. But I did catch a glimps of myself in the windows of the car as it sped away, and I gasped at the regal image looking back at me. I've now found a new appreciation for my body, and...for the first time...I felt...truly beautiful. It just goes to show that sometimes in life, if you hang in long enough, good things can happen.

     

    I hope you read and are inspired by my heartwarming story, Bob. Enjoy your medically-induced coma for as long as you need, and please come back to us soon. We need you!

     

    Yamaste (It's more positive than namaste)

     

    It saddens me that this got no likes. It is a thing of beauty. Bravo. And bravo.

  16. Posted

     

     

     

    I have to assume you're as obnoxious as this guest was, so that's why nothing seems out of the ordinary to you.

    Says the guy whose screenname is "ComedyGangBang."

     

    Anyway, Eric Andre is absolutely hilarious. My sons and I love his Adult Swim show. I guess these sticks in the mud are the same people who don't get Tim and Eric as well. Meanwhile all the funniest people around love them. Gee, I wonder whose opinion I'll value more....

  17. Posted

    Ok, here's my third and last comment.

    It's really disturbing me how many people aren't 'getting' what's going on here. Maybe it's a product of this selfish, me-me-me generation that doesn't 'get' anything that came before the day they were born.

    I'm 35 years old, and it irritates me the amount of people my age and under who don't know of comedians from before 1990. These are the same people who find Mencia hilarious and original. Ugh...

    I consider myself a 'student' of comedy as it were, and I find people like Kaufman, Zmuda, and others of that ilk to be the fathers of alt-comedy. Maybe it's because my father appreciated all types of comedy and taught me to as well.

    I sure as hell am teaching my kids to pay attention to things outside the bubble they live in. That way they don't get lost in confusion when a classic comedian shows up on a program they like.

    Sheesh, these kids today...

    • Like 1

  19. Posted

    For those of us who pathologically hate mysteries

     

     

    Bob Zmuda has played Tony Clifton since Kaufman died

     

     

    Kaufman is a lot like Saturday Night Live or Pee Wee Herman he just doesn't play outside the US. Todays podcast sort of died for me once Clifton showed up, meh :huh:

    I thought the ep was a lot of fun. Scott struggled to keep control of the whole thing, but I felt like it was a lot of fun. Maybe I'm biased though. I've been a huge fan of Clifton's since I was a kid. The man can do no wrong in my opinion. And Schwartz is always perfect on this podcast. So take my two cents for what they're worth.

  20. Posted

    Outstanding as always, heartfelt, hilarious, another adjective here.

    Taylor Dayne was the second popstar I have ever fallen in love with, behind Teena Marie, and it was so nice hearing her on the podcast.

    She did get a little wacky at points, but I think it's just because she's lived in a different world than the rest of us for a long time, and opinions get based a lot on a person's environment and relationships. She's obviously been around some weird ones.

    But, still love her to pieces.

  23. Posted

    None more appearances, please. The first post should be revised to read "Paul F. Tompkins, the suited gentleman you all know and love, has returned"

     

    Yes, there's always plenty of energy with Paul, but it rarely seems genuine. It feels more like refocused contempt for the audience. I'm not a hater, and I don't think I'm projecting here, I just get a vibe from him like he doesn't really enjoy what he's doing. And it was disapoining to see him come up again when there are so many other funny people who have yet to be on, like:

     

    Weird Al

    Chelsea Peretti

    Aziz Ansari

    Patton Oswalt

    Maria Bamford

    Jon Glaser

    Morgan Murphy

    Kristen Schaal

    Joe Mande

    Donald Glover

    John Mulaney

    Kurt Braunohler

    Jerry Minor

    Tig Notaro

    Rich Fulcher

    Dino Stamatopoulos

    Reggie Watts

    Demetri Martin

    Peter Serafinowicz

    Hannibal Buress

    Jon Benjamin

    Myq Kaplan

    Eugene Mirman

    Leo Allen

    Kevin Nealon

    A.D. Miles

    Aisha Tyler

    Todd Glass

    either of The Sklar Brothers

    Boo. To you.

×