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Everything posted by paulxanders

  1. paulxanders

    Hick (2011)

    After watching the worst opening twenty minutes of film I've ever seen, I'd like to recommend the dour rednecksploitation "drama" Hick. As everyone knows, Southerners live against a soundtrack of unironic banjo music, wear wigs for no reason, and, though constantly pregnant, have no recourse to describe pregnancy but through cutesy metaphors such as, "It done looked like my mama swallowed a basketball." Hick perfectly captures all this. Also, Blake Lively pisses on preteen lead Chloe Moretz's head. You know, for comic relief.
  2. paulxanders

    Episode 15.5 — Minisode 16

    "She had the tastiest little smurfberry," Papa recalled, chewing his smurfstained beard, wondering why the Village had ever outlawed smurfalingus.