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jkyle

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About jkyle

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    Wolfpup
  1. Ok, so I know that 2 was way worse and 3 was between 1 and 2, but I want to put it out there that the first one was a heaping pile of dogshit too. None of it makes any damn sense. So, all the Decepticons are after Sam to get his glasses as they have the location of the Allspark etched on them. Well, how does anyone know that? And how do they know he has them?! And how many plot devices hinge on Sam needing a car??!?! ie. Meeting Bumblebee and actually putting the glasses on eBay. If he hadn't we'd all be f***ed, I presume. But here's the worst part. Wouldn't the glasses point the Allspark location to Antarctica? Hasn't the gov already moved it to Nevada? And somehow at the end they all just head there anyway. But the final affront is one I never understood... why when they started fighting the Decepticons in the desert did they LEAD THEM INTO THE CITY?!?! That makes no sense!! Plus all the robots look like total shit, and you can rarely tell who is who. Jazz looks awful, Bumblebee is ridiculous (and why can't they repair his voice?!? Plus it gets fixed at the end, but is broken by the next movie - ARGHGH!!!), but Starscream just looks like a chicken. They took the coolest character and made him a snivelling bird like creature. Damn you Michael Bay!!! You must be stopped.
  2. jkyle

    Yogi Bear (2010)

    Lots of good people are in it! My kid loved it, so I can't complain. He did get in trouble at school though for re-enacting the butt shaking dance and singing Sir Mixalot. I heard TJ Miller on a podcast rip into Your Highness and said that Danny McBride hurt the whole industry when he made movies like that - which I thought was a bit cheeky after not exactly setting the comedy world afire with this. But I think it's just fashionable to knock this movie. My kid liked it, it had some good people in it, and it wasn't too offensive. Honestly, he's made me sit through worse (Transformers 2).
  3. jkyle

    Fanboys

    You wouldn't believe the number of people who recommend this movie to me! To this day! I'm a huge Star Wars nerd and everyone asks if I've seen it. I had actually forgot that I put it on a few years ago and turned it off in sheer boredom - then after all the recommendations I sat down to watch it again and was like, "Wait?! This unfunny piece of shit?"
  4. jkyle

    Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (2010)

    Brandon Routh just isn't very good at all. In any movie.
  5. jkyle

    Epicenter

    I had a review of this on an old Bad Movie website I used to run and even got to interview Gary Daniels. I didn't tell him that I ripped into it. Jeff Fahey is in it too (pre-Lost, but post-Lawnmower Man).
  6. This movie is so horrendous that it is amazing that it was released at all. The plot must be the result of M Night suffering from an aneurysm, and it follows that great tradition of actors punting their good grace earned from an Oscar straight out the window (in this case Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, but also see Halle Berry with Catwoman and Swordfish after she got hers, or Charlize Theron with Aeon Flux). My favorite part is when the wind is chasing them through a field and Marky Mark (and the etc.) pauses to ask everyone to let... him... think... What really shocks me is that nature has revolted but somehow it began in the cities. Where there is less nature. And then.... our plucky heroes make a run for the countryside! "NO! RUN _INTO_ THE HOUSE!!" M Night started good, went boring, got bad, and ended up absolutely abysmal. It's hard to imagine how things slipped so much, but like Green Day and Metallica, he started down a shitty career path that he will never return from. Let's hope Hollywood stops funding his celluloid criminal activities.
  7. This movie is so horrendous that it is amazing that it was released at all. The plot must be the result of M Night suffering from an aneurysm, and it follows that great tradition of actors punting their good grace earned from an Oscar straight out the window (in this case Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, but also see Halle Berry with Catwoman and Swordfish after she got hers, or Charlize Theron with Aeon Flux). My favorite part is when the wind is chasing them through a field and Marky Mark (and the etc.) pauses to ask everyone to let... him... think... What really shocks me is that nature has revolted but somehow it began in the cities. Where there is less nature. And then.... our plucky heroes make a run for the countryside! "NO! RUN _INTO_ THE HOUSE!!" M Night started good, went boring, got bad, and ended up absolutely abysmal. It's hard to imagine how things slipped so much, but like Green Day and Metallica, he started down a shitty career path that he will never return from. Let's hope Hollywood stops funding his celluloid criminal activities.
  8. jkyle

    Shoot 'em Up (2007)

    What really gets me is how the baby is basically thrown around during the gunfights. I have 3 small kids and it made me cringe the entire time! Thankfully when you think he threw the baby on the floor of the car it turns out to be a doll. Woeful.
  9. I'm sorry, but this is the worst movie ever and it has been proven by science. In fact, it's so bad that it comes full circle. I hate it so much that I actually love it. The fun is in how inept it actually is. All the lead actresses get naked within minutes of each other in a totally gratuitous way, and seeing Jurgen Prochnow slumming it is simply too much to bear. The plot makes no sense, the acting is terrible, and it has nothing to do with the videogame that it is based on... except for the horrible spliced-in shots of out of date 90s arcade graphics, along with a spin-around camera when someone gets killed. This is the worst movie that I actually like, but I like it for all the wrong reasons.
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