Jump to content
🔒 The Earwolf Forums are closed Read more... ×

xoValeriexo

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Content count

    609

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    27

Posts posted by xoValeriexo

  4. Posted

    we can talk about those things if you want val.

    though i wrote a post with a couple jokes and then i reead your post again and was like "dang i better not make jokes about these stories" so i dont know how to talk about them tbf

    i saved one joke, i pray not to cause offense but i will include it anyway:

     

    do you think zumba had anything to do with the cancer? maybe you should think about crossfit

     

    You're a good guy, Greggy. I'm hiring you now to speak at my funeral. I'm gonna need you to preface your funeral jokes with apologies, because it's charming. Then after each joke, say "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" and start crying, like you can't control what you're saying because your buds Joe, Q, and Murr are Impractically making you Joke this way.

     

    Is this a good time to plug my blog? Yes. Yes, it is.

     

    http://genuinehorror.tumblr.com/post/35369487203/how-to-help-someone-cope-with-a-loss

     

    http://genuinehorror.tumblr.com/post/23752504844/how-to-throw-a-killer-funeral

     

    Maybe read those and then talk about them until we get to 200 posts.

    • Like 3

  5. Posted

    VB going HAM. #95

     

    I've been drinking

     

    I had to lookup "HAM" in the Urban Dictionary.

     

    Then I had to lookup "lookup" in the regular dictionary to see if it was one word or two.

     

    Brillo, when you drink is it sad like when Matthew McConaughey drinks on True Detective because he's an alcoholic? Or is it like when I drank as a Freshman in highschool where it's just like whoa, lookit how cool she is?

    • Like 4

  6. Posted

    My favorite zumba instructor just found out she has breast cancer. Do you want to talk about that? Huh, TheloniousJunk?! Do you??!

     

    Or also maybe we could talk about how today my brother called someone "fruity" and that was very upsetting for me. I didn't say anything, because you know how sometimes things like that can be weird? And you know how sometimes brothers have tempers and you've been like permanently traumatized into submission from your childhood relationship with them? And so you're just like "Oh...he is? How so?"

     

    Or maybe we could talk about the time I saw a cat get hit by a car? The lady stopped and rolled down her window and said "My bad."

     

    Is this what you wanted, Junk? Tell me, Junk, is this what you were hoping to find?

    • Like 8

  9. Posted

    hello mr next week's guest's last name, i am wrriitng this popcorn gallery question to you because i am from your hometown and one time i saw you mowing your lawn before you were famous. small world right? you are a jerk and ugly. do you still talk to that lady who used to live with you then? i think it was your mom

     

     

     

    now if THAT doesnt get on the show i dont know WHAT will

     

    I was literally crying laughing while reading this. Good job. Another Hollywood Handbook success story.

    • Like 3

  10. Posted

    Which one of you dinguses is esteban ricardo on gmail? and when is a good time for us to hangout so we can talk about moving to l.a. to start our improv group? Valerie, did you osk your "boyfriend" to the oskars or did he cause a car "accident" and save you to win your heart?

     

     

    Esteban Ricardo is hugLife, but he said his name is Stephen. I feel like he might be some kind of liar.

     

    Umm.. Friday? Saturday? Weekdays? People with jobs should decide when we "hangout", I guess.

     

    My boyfriend asked me out, yes, by osking me to the oscars. I said no, because he was holding a hot dog at the time and I'm afraid of mustard. But he wouldn't take no for an answer. He stood on top of a table and recited word for word Martin Lawrence's "Wash Yo Ass" bit that got him banned from SNL. I got up onto the table and I kissed him. I was never afraid of mustard again.

     

    We actually met on MySpace. You decide which story is cooler.

    • Like 5

  15. Posted

    Freja, if FU is your man, then how come he was with me last night? And if you look like an even prettier Fiona Apple, then how come he was with me last night? What's going on with him? But for real, after that first episode, weren't you like wwhhhatt the ffuuuccckk?

     

    My [booze cruise] bought me 3 shirts for vday, because he is a romantic. He is my pride and joy who I love to infinity and beyond, rest in peace.

     

    That was an inside joke. Sorry to leave you out of the loop, but it's kind of a couples thing.

    • Like 4

  16. Posted

    Loved the chewy commercials.

     

    Need to talk about Woody Allen's recent movies for real. Midnight in Paris was bad, but To Rome With Love was fucking disgustingly bad. I feel like it's shitty that Woody Allen molested Bob Dylan, but at least if his movies were good I'd be like aiight, you know?

     

    I do need to know if that Adam Devine stand-up where he does Dane Cook's material is a joke. Like.. what if someone stole Dane Cook's jokes? That'd be like a silly lil topsy turvy world, huh? I think it'd go a little something like this..., etc.

     

    My [Chinese dentist] spit all over the car when Sean said "friendo" during the popcorn gallery segment.

     

    If Sean and Hayes took an online survey to find out which Work of Holics characters they were, I think Hayes would be Anders and Sean would be Blake.

     

    This eppy of the poddy was ridic good/funny. I enjoyed the go, if you know what I mean. #charmin

     

    *Note: the "Chinese dentist" thing is from Mr. Show. I didn't mean to take credit for that word combo. I'm very sorry to all of those who I may have hurt with my carelessness. But also art is up for grabs, y'all!

    • Like 7

  17. Posted

    This was one of the best episodes, I have to say. The segment about little rowdy rudy piper's (judge rudy's? rude judes? rude dudes with bad attitudes?) from itunes was hilarious and Lamorne was possibly the best guest you've had on thus far. Although I feel like I think this every week, so I might just be some kind of kiss ass with a bad memory or something. Good blob, holliwool hamk. <3 seal w/some kis

    • Like 4

  18. Posted

    Interesting choices from you guys because they're so different. Jingle All the Way was actually fun to watch, while watching Battlefield Earth was one of the most miserable experiences of my life. In the Name of the King was similarly draining. You guys make me want to listen to those episodes again for fun times purposes. My favorite was probably Sleepaway Camp. There are so many wonderful things to make fun of and analyze, but it's also a pretty great movie.

    • Like 2

  24. Posted

    I like the sounds of struggle and relief that come from the bathroom because the insulation just isn't good enough.

     

    And it helps that my Dad once decided to tell me that he agrees with Freud that sex and pooping are very similar because both feel like a release. Did Freud even say that? I don't know, is quicksilver fool's gold? For my dad it is.

    • Like 1
×