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xoValeriexo

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Posts posted by xoValeriexo

  1. Posted

    I listen to most Earwolf shows. Aside from those my favorites are Judge John Hodgman, Mental Illness Happy Hour (unless the guest is too normal, then I'm like boo shut-up), The Todd Glass Show, How Was Your Week?, Janie and Aaron Does Hollywood, Totally Married, and The Long Shot Podcast.

     

    Some of the funniest podcasting ever came from Mike and Tom Eat Snacks. Listen to episode one and live a little.

     

    Mixing up Chris Rock's voice with Eddie Murphy's voice? How could that happen? I guess you probably think Chris Rock voiced the donkey in Shrek? Plausible, but no. Sheesh.

    • Like 2

  2. Posted

    Amazing prap, hugLife! Very clever and funny. Taking all that time to create a line for each forum member was worth it, because everything you came up with makes me sooo happy.

     

    Bill Russell Crowe, I just listened to a few of your tracks on SoundCloud. I'm very impressed with your talent, while also being very disappointed in how comfortable your mind is there in the gutter. It seems like only yesterday you were mama's lil boy, helping me mash up potatoes and asking, "More buddur?" with your signature lisp. And now here you are rapping about hippie pussy. Again, though, you're extremely talented.

    • Like 4

  3. Posted

    I was going to sing “Fame”, but with Hayes, then say a bunch of stuff about how Hayes is better than Sean, but I didn’t want to contradict myself. I just hope you guys know I love you both with all of my heart. And I mean that. It’s difficult not to add “you dummies” to the end of that, but I’m not going to.

    I’m becoming convinced that I killed myself in high school and I’m now in heaven. My life is just too good. And now a bunch of cool, hunky dudes are being nice to me? Ridiculous. When are Sean and Hayes going to get their HH cruise started? We need a forum meetup.

    I was sick last night (I think my art took a piece of me with it when it left lol), but I still had to go to the Christmas gathering today which was bullshit. If I hadn’t gone though, then I wouldn’t have heard this:

    Uncle Richard: I’m going to see Frank Caliendo on Monday.

    My Mom: Oooh, that’s gonna be goooood.

     

    Bruce Reid Robinson II: I was going to say a dirty joke, but decided it’d be best to keep these forums clean.

    Bill Russell Crowe: How do I enable downloads? I am very stupid. PS I like you.

    Chanson: I once had an internet bf and he was named Mario. Do you think you can compete with that?

    Matt Cameron: Are you using real words? PS We’re friends.

    Greggy: Are you saying you would front in death? Remember you’re under oath. PS I’m joshin.

    hugLife: Aww, that’s so sweet/embarrassing. It’s pretty dumb how happy your comment makes me.

    Burdrulz: Your flag! I would buy the hell out of one of those. Can we go into business together? You sell amazing Hollywood Handbook merch, I’ll sell 10 second clips of parody songs.

    TheClassyHobo: No one wants you here.

    • Like 6

  5. Posted

    All my tattoos are semi-funny in that I was a little too concerned with their meaning when I got them. The worst are song lyrics... two different places. One is "there's beauty in the breakdown" because I love Garden State. My mom said she'd buy me a tattoo if I took my septum piercing out before we went to see her family for the holidays. I picked that lyric because I felt it represented the time I spent in therapy to learn to accept having emotions rather than cutting myself to avoid feeling them. For real!

     

    The other one says "I feel better when I sing", which is a lyric from a Bright Eyes song that I've only heard like 3 times. I just like singing and it does make me feel better. But it sounds like an "I'd rather be fishing" bumper sticker.

     

    When I got my "xo" tattoos, I knew they'd make me look stupid which only made me want them more. So.. that makes those more funny than embarrassing to me.

     

    I love the idea of a tattoo of a ghost vomiting. Can the forum get a photo? That you wanted it to be your tag is my favorite thing about it. Tell me, do you have any tattoos based on something that was once your DJ name?

     

    Chanson, don't be jelly, it doesn't look good on you (jk yes it does).

    • Like 5

  6. Posted

    Burdrulz, I love your shirt designs. My [redacted] and I were laughing so hard while looking at them (particularly the Bai Ling one). Seriously, like choking laughing. But I also really would want one of each. I couldn't post about loving them before because it's too much for me. Like when I was younger and couldn't bring myself to watch any interviews with Daniel Radcliffe. It meant too much to me. I couldn't handle it.

     

    And most of the celebri-people encounters I've had were when I was 12 or 13. And it was always some normal situation that anyone could be in if they just bought a ticket to a concert or something. Wait, ooh, I have another good one. I met Brody from The Distillers and she was so, so nice and cool. And when my friend and I had to leave (my parents were waiting in the car), she yelled "Bye Valerie and Rikki!" It was amazing.

     

    And, uh, I have like 8 tattoos, so yeah... I'm pretty cool.

    • Like 4

  7. Posted

    1. Um, Tara Reid (my cousin called her over and asked her for a cigarette. she scoffed, said she'd get one, and never came back. she was right. it was rude). Paul F. Tompkins (he remembered my name BOTH times, no big deal) and Scott Aukerman (he seemed to not enjoy me). Pauly Shore (a scatily clad woman was rubbing his feet and he was yelling at her - jokingly? backstage at Limp Bizkit concert - my cousin blew a security guard to get aftershow passes). Um, I was near Michael Cera (UCB). I was near Aaliyah (Wanna Be a VJ in San Francisco). Method Man (sitting at a merch table at the family values tour in 1999). I've met-ish a lot of fame-ish people. And I used to love Limp Bizkit and I have a rude and slutty cousin. Shut-up.

     

    2. I'd love to meet Harris Wittels, Kyle Bosman, Lennon Parham, David Cross, Ricky Gervais.

     

    3. The crisp kinds. Like sour and crisp. What kinds are those?

    • Like 6

  11. Posted

     

    DAMMIT Valerie, I've been working for weeks to uncover the spy, now my counter-intelligence operation is completely compromised and my agents are in serious danger! *slams fist on table* Can't you see that the artist formerly known as NotTheNarnold now affectionately known as skrimps has been posting less and less and Chance-own has been posting as much as greggy in order to gain the trust of monsieur BoodRulz and Octer-Dr.-puss so that we can slowly suss out who's giving up our super poopers' secrets???? THE ONLY CLEAN MAN IN THIS TOPSY TURVY WORLD IS TOBY KEITH SWEAT! Now I have to redecorate my bunker in geneva, that's going to fucking kill my weekend bro.

     

    P.S. this episode was alright, I guess I laughed and enjoyed it a little bit.

     

    I swear, I wanna be BFFs with all y'all. This made me laugh so hard.

     

    To echo Chanson's sentiment, if any of you are ever in Stockton, Ca (and why wouldn't you be?) let's hang, bro. You can come to my zumba class with me, kay? Luv ya, TTYL.

    • Like 5

  12. Posted

    Sorry all, but I know why our boys haven't been asking us for guest questions recently. I have uncovered some chilling -maybe even too scary- news about the forums: there is a spy living among us. This spy has cracked our secret code and is delivering our super pooper secret messages to Clements $ Hayes. So here's what C$H know: burdrulz hates the "big salad" episode of Seinfeld, Chanson wrote his name in the snow in urine, Common Sence won his Grandma in a raffle, and we all call Hollywood Handbook "Reality Show Sh.., uh, I mean, Hollywood Handbook".

     

    Oh, and Not the Narnold's new nickname is Skrimps.

     

    This is the worst day of my life.

    • Like 7

  17. Posted

    Burdrulz, I'm mad at you for that Mario comment. The only Zelda game I'm ever played was Ocarina of Time, so I don't know whether I should be mad at you for that comment or not. But I love you too, Baby Mama Drama. I just decided that's the perfect nickname for you. Trust me, I'm real good at names.

     

    I haven't gotten drunk in front of my parents, but I did once smoke a cigarette in front of my Dad after he encouraged me with an enthusiastic "Smoke 'em if you got 'em". I started smoking, then I just wanted it to end. It was immediately awkward and awful and aw, shit. In other words, nothing like smoking in front of Grandma.

     

    Asteck, is that really your kitty? I would like to live in your house with your kitty for as long as possible. Perhaps hiding in a crawl space? Let me know if you have one of those and we'll work something out.

    • Like 4

  18. Posted

    Narnold: I’m sorry about Biscuit. Putting a pet down is the worst thing in the world. I bet she was a cutie. Also, get a Wii U, you cooch magoo. Then you can play Wii games like Super Mario Galaxy too. It’s one of the best games ever.

     

    hugLife: For real? We’re friends now. Wanna come over my house and watch Milo & Otis?

     

    Greggy: I’ve never had a cat named Garfield, but I did have one named Nermal. But that’s not related at all, so I don’t know why I said it.

     

    Bill Russell Crowe: You’re a bully and I won’t be bullied in my own town.

    • Like 2

  19. Posted

    I overheard a woman on the phone at Target say "Where did Courtney's Dad get that hat? It friggin' cracked me up." Now I'm just trying to figure out if it was Sean's mom, Sean sister, or Sean's middle-aged daughter, because ya'll know that's a Clements.

     

    Questions for the forum posters:

     

    You playin' the new Mario or Zelda?

     

    You celebrating tofurky day? Any vegetarians up in here?

     

    What are you buying your Mom for the holidays? If she's dead, please tell me what happened and be genuine about it.

     

    Anyone besides Narnold have a blog? And, hey, what happened to my Earwolf anon on Tumblr? Rude.

     

    If you have kibby cats, what are their names?

    • Like 3

  22. Posted

    Lots to get through today, so let's begin.

     

    I loved hearing about your children. I feel like your personal lives are too often left personal and I don't like that at all. Hayes said his daughter is named Grace. Isn't that Sean's girlfriend's name? Is Sean dating Hayes' daughter? Just thought I'd sift through the litter box for a hefty scoop, just in case.

     

    Oh, I almost forgot to say "What up? What up?" What up? What up?

     

    Every show you guys make fun of is a show that I like. It makes me feel bad and also a little angry with you.

     

    That Simpsons Sing the Blues album is one of my favorite things. It reminds me of going to Disneyland as a child. Sean is an angel sent from heaven for singing "Now you can't go to the boat show" with such enthusiasm.

     

    Paul Rust's movie reviews are how I became a fan of his. Can you guess which review it was that reeled (lol) me in? It was his review of Reading Rainbow: "Reading Rainbow isn't a movie, it's a television show". Brilliant. On a similar note, I first became a fan of Doug Benson when I saw him on Last Comic Standing and was sure he was the voice of Norbit on The Angry Beavers.

     

    I had a dream involving these message boards the other night. There was a new ballsy commenter and that didn't sit well with me.

     

    Who's the next guest? Lemme at him.

    • Like 5

  25. Posted

    I've always felt that Halloween was too saucy.

     

    I think the "pregnant man" from Oprah should be the new Batman. Or Woody Allen's New York.

     

    Hayes was on fire this episode. Sean was warm. But, hey, without warmth we wouldn't have toaster strudel, so don't be too hard on yourself, buddy.

     

    I love the ad about donating money to the show. I forgot to comment on it last time. So, so funny and eventually I'll have money to give to you. In college, I became a stripper to pay for school books, so maybe I can just do that again for you guys. Actually, that brings me to some new questions for your next guest:

     

    What would you be a stripper for?

     

    Do you think Sean and Hayes are funny?

     

    If Sean was a food, would he be steamin' hot stew or would he be warm toaster strudel? The strudel, right?

     

     

    I'm out, guys, it's been real....real funny (thanks for that, Hayes).

     

    P.S.- No one ever liked me all through my teens because the way I joke is very mean. Should I change up my joking style or should I refuse to learn from my mistakes?

    • Like 5
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