Posts posted by xoValeriexo
Game of Scones, you were lying about having boobs? I guess you were lying about having a deep cut too then.
Hmm.. is that a funny joke or no? Can't decide, can't decide..hmm..okay, I guess I'll leave it. Annnddd POST.
Hey Game of Scones, remember when Sean called you a "deep cut"? I do.
Have you guys watched Big Time in Hollywood, FL yet? It's very good.
I was thinking that I'm glad Hayes is back, but I actually didn't even notice he wasn't on the show this week. But then I remembered I didn't listen to the episode! Oh my god, you guys, this forum is a fucking mess.
EDIT: But I did listen to Trends With Benefits and it was wonderful and I love Sean so much.
Shit. I forgot.
Hey, I saw one of these the other day. It was so fucking big I had no idea what kind of bug it was. But I loved him anyway.
My dad once woke my brother and I up for school and told us we had to get to school early because our teacher needed us to bring her some supplies: a single barbie shoe, a can of cream of mushroom soup, a half-empty bag of marshmallows, and I don't know what else. We were so confused, but I definitely believed all of it.
My dad also wrote a note to my brother's teacher after he was absent saying he'd been abducted by aliens, but he's home now.
I also just came across this old post about my dad:
I have to type up a paper my dad wrote for a class he’s taking online. Some of the things he wrote are insane but he told my mom that he didn’t think he could write it about their relationship, so it’s kind of a fictionalized version of what he would look for in a mate and…well, you’ll see.
What ideal qualities would you look for in a mate?
"Physically, I prefer someone who is tall, but under six feet. Brown hair, brown eyes, physically fit, but not too excessive about fitness. Maybe golf twice a week, hot dogs and beer. It would help if she were a San Francisco 49er fan. And a doctor, so we could have plenty of money."
Do you think ideal marriages exist? Why?
"My friends, Joe and Valerie, have made marriage work as a same-sex couple for many years, even though they have very little in common. Joe is an African-American, pet grooming atheist whom I’m pretty sure is in a Fresno gang. While Valerie is a six-figure salaried tax attorney in the bay area who attends a Christian Fellowship church and volunteers time at a soup-giveaway in downtown Stockton. God bless him."
Wait, okay...this one? Does this work?
Hey guys, you should do this survey and see if you're picked to be a part of this focus group. I did it the other day and it was very fun and they'll pay you $125 if they pick you. I don't know if I should tell you what it's about beforehand, but it is comedy related and it's for a Comedy Central show. They asked me if I knew anyone else who liked the show and I was like, um, probably everyone from the forum.
I'm not lying. This is me. Guys, you know me. Come on, you know me! It's Veeeebbbbssss.
I will wrap a [sCRUNCHY] around Greggy’s [CANDY CANE]
Take this filth over to The Wolf Den forum.
mwn, that made me laugh so hard. Tinkle ass, protects my shipments, offshore tax haven, smell ya later.. gold. Comedy gold. And the needles thing from Saw 2 is a great choice.
Goldie, has anyone ever told you you're not like all the other girls? You're not, you know.
On an episode of Oprah, you went on an on about how much you love found footage movies. Mind elaborating, telling us more, or speaking on that?
Hugh Jackman gets a tour of his X-Men: The Last Stand director Brett Ratner's house, and is asked to turn on the grill. Though it doesn't appear to work, they return to find the house engulfed in flames, and firefighters who tell them that it was caused by the grill. Speak on that.
Looks like it's that time of the year again. Maybe some fun mad-libs threats will get you guys shakin' in your boots enough to have Kyle Bosman on the show.
I will [blender setting] honlad’s [body part] with a [tool].
I will give burdrulz a [alt band from the 90s] tattoo on his [host of Nick Jr].
I will watch Andy Kneis experience [specific torture you’ve seen in a Saw movie] until he begs me to [uncle Jesse catchphrase].
I will [violent act] Sean’s [family member].
I will shove a [cooking utensil] up Dixon’s [body part with a hole].
I will put [bodily secretion] in a glass of [yummy drink] and make Joe McGurl sip it.
I will put a [something illegal] in Anastasia’s [where your pet sleeps] and frame her for [type of crime].
I will [beginning of Limp Bizkit song with “Stuff”] into Rod Aug’s [where you live] and [grossest name for a vagina] his [body part that rhymes with “goat”].
I will let the world know that Chanson’s [name you call your grandma] is a [funniest curse word] [second funniest curse word].
I will [thing you do to a ball] MBOP’s [favorite childhood toy].
I will wrap a [something little girl’s wear in their hair] around Greggy’s [thing you get for Christmas] and [thing you do with a stove] him [type of sweet food].
I will [wrestling move] Andrew’s [body part] until it [thing you do to bubble wrap].
I will have [synonym for sex] with Hurricane Dennis.
Poor cold, shivering LL Cool J.
Grandpa #1: My mom's dad. He's blind now. Pretty cool, don't ya think? I know someone who's blind.
Grandpa #2: My dad's dad. I never met him because he died of a heart attack before I was born. Pretty cool, don't ya think? I know someone who's dead. I still feel like I know him though because I've heard a lot of stories about how abusive he was.
Sean and Hayes have made it known that they don’t respond to threats. Maybe if I add a little sweet in with the salty?
If you have Kyle Bosman on the show:
1. I’ll clean honlad’s bathroom.
2. I’ll replace American Diaper’s DVD copy of Rain Man with a Blu-Ray copy.
3. I’ll kiss Sean’s mom on the lips for 5 minutes.
4. I’ll give Anastasia the cinnamon roll with the most frosting.
5. I’ll help brgrho clean his rain gutters. (Help, brg, not do all the work)
6. I’ll give Marshall Mellow the maraschino cherry from the top of my sundae.
7. I’ll introduce Joe McGurl to Crispin Glover.
8. I’ll take Tim Treese to the Super Bowl.
9. I’ll have sex with Hurricane Dennis.
10. I’ll help Jacob C make a paper snowflake.
11. I’ll finally listen to the mixtape burdrulz made me even though it’s not very good.
12. I’ll give Chanson a ride anywhere he wants (within 10 miles of my house).
13. I’ll teach Rod Aug how to stop the bleeding.
14. I’ll take Greggy to Machu Pichu.
15. I’ll kiss the ground Hayes walks on.
16. I’ll eat Dixon’s shit.
17. I’ll write Agata a poem.
18. I’ll make MBOP’s bed.
19. I’ll rid RanRan’s home of mice (humanely).
20. I’ll masturbate while thinking of every one of your grandpas.
Also veebs is that new Mario vs. DK game good?
If you like the other ones, you'll like this one. I love them all and this one is available on the Wii U so it's bigger than ever before.
I got gold on every level of Mario vs Donkey Kong: Tipping Stars and now I don't know what to do with my life.
P.S.- American Diaper, is that your face? I like it.
I miss American Diaper so much, you guys.
My [redacted] made your pretzies, Greggy. They're amazing.
Happy Birthday, Skizelo! (I think..right?)
Alright, seems like it might be time to take another crack at this.
If you do have Kyle Bosman on the podcast, I will manufacture an assortment of Hollywood Handbook bumper stickers. With favorites such as:
My other car is Hollywood Handbook
My Hollywood Handbook can kick your honor student's ass
Lost your cat? Check the Hollywood Handbook forums.
Driver carries no cash -- He's Hollywood Handbook
And HH mudflaps, of course, featuring Sean in a Yosesite Sam pose with "What up?" underneath.
Does anyone have any tips on depression? I tried lexapro and zoloft almost 6 years ago, but I'm having a really hard time watching the world pass me by. Any advice is much appreciated. How do I stop being mad at the world for my own missteps?
If you can get into therapy, try that. I used to go to individual therapy and group therapy while also taking wellbutrin and that really worked for me. And you can email me at email@example.com if you want to talk. You can also add all the forumers on facebook and that might just clear your depression right up.
First time poster long time listener.
Should I post a picture of my dog or just simply say that this is my favorite podcast and long live Hayes and Sean!
Cotton candy, sweet as gold, let me see your doggy, bro.
This here was Buddy, my handsome old beagle-coonhound. He passed away about six years ago but he was my best bud growing up, which made him aptly-named.
This is a good picture of you, but a bad picture of Buddy. He's making a mean boy face when everyone knows he's a nice boy.
Happy Birthday, Rod Aug.
And hapy bitday to the guy who said it was his berthdy beofre. I'm too tired to care about you now.
Episode 78 — Listeners Again, Our Close Friends
in Hollywood Handbook
I feel like an idiot for accepting Hodges Boswell's friend request. I haven't even accepted requests from my aunt and cousin yet, but Hodges comes along and I confirm our friendship without question. If any newbie wants a very popular identity, you might want to steal that one. She's already a part of our inner circle even though she's just a cheesy photo of a seventeen year old girl who tries to give me deals and tag me in photos that I am not in.