Jump to content
đź”’ The Earwolf Forums are closed Read more... Ă—

xoValeriexo

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Content count

    609

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    27

Posts posted by xoValeriexo

  1. Posted

    I feel like an idiot for accepting Hodges Boswell's friend request. I haven't even accepted requests from my aunt and cousin yet, but Hodges comes along and I confirm our friendship without question. If any newbie wants a very popular identity, you might want to steal that one. She's already a part of our inner circle even though she's just a cheesy photo of a seventeen year old girl who tries to give me deals and tag me in photos that I am not in.

    • Like 18

  4. Posted

    Have you guys watched Big Time in Hollywood, FL yet? It's very good.

     

    I was thinking that I'm glad Hayes is back, but I actually didn't even notice he wasn't on the show this week. But then I remembered I didn't listen to the episode! Oh my god, you guys, this forum is a fucking mess.

     

    EDIT: But I did listen to Trends With Benefits and it was wonderful and I love Sean so much.

    • Like 13

  6. Posted

    valley_carpenter_bee_male_pomona.jpg

     

    Hey, I saw one of these the other day. It was so fucking big I had no idea what kind of bug it was. But I loved him anyway.

     

    Dad Pranks:

     

    My dad once woke my brother and I up for school and told us we had to get to school early because our teacher needed us to bring her some supplies: a single barbie shoe, a can of cream of mushroom soup, a half-empty bag of marshmallows, and I don't know what else. We were so confused, but I definitely believed all of it.

     

    My dad also wrote a note to my brother's teacher after he was absent saying he'd been abducted by aliens, but he's home now.

     

    I also just came across this old post about my dad:

     

    I have to type up a paper my dad wrote for a class he’s taking online. Some of the things he wrote are insane but he told my mom that he didn’t think he could write it about their relationship, so it’s kind of a fictionalized version of what he would look for in a mate and…well, you’ll see.

     

    What ideal qualities would you look for in a mate?

    "Physically, I prefer someone who is tall, but under six feet. Brown hair, brown eyes, physically fit, but not too excessive about fitness. Maybe golf twice a week, hot dogs and beer. It would help if she were a San Francisco 49er fan. And a doctor, so we could have plenty of money."

    Do you think ideal marriages exist? Why?

    "My friends, Joe and Valerie, have made marriage work as a same-sex couple for many years, even though they have very little in common. Joe is an African-American, pet grooming atheist whom I’m pretty sure is in a Fresno gang. While Valerie is a six-figure salaried tax attorney in the bay area who attends a Christian Fellowship church and volunteers time at a soup-giveaway in downtown Stockton. God bless him."

    • Like 11

  8. Posted

    https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/thats_entertainment

     

    Hey guys, you should do this survey and see if you're picked to be a part of this focus group. I did it the other day and it was very fun and they'll pay you $125 if they pick you. I don't know if I should tell you what it's about beforehand, but it is comedy related and it's for a Comedy Central show. They asked me if I knew anyone else who liked the show and I was like, um, probably everyone from the forum.

     

    I'm not lying. This is me. Guys, you know me. Come on, you know me! It's Veeeebbbbssss.

    • Like 9

  11. Posted

    Popcorn Gallery!!!

     

    Goldie, has anyone ever told you you're not like all the other girls? You're not, you know.

     

    On an episode of Oprah, you went on an on about how much you love found footage movies. Mind elaborating, telling us more, or speaking on that?

     

    Hugh Jackman gets a tour of his X-Men: The Last Stand director Brett Ratner's house, and is asked to turn on the grill. Though it doesn't appear to work, they return to find the house engulfed in flames, and firefighters who tell them that it was caused by the grill. Speak on that.

    • Like 11

  12. Posted

    Looks like it's that time of the year again. Maybe some fun mad-libs threats will get you guys shakin' in your boots enough to have Kyle Bosman on the show.

     

    I will [blender setting] honlad’s [body part] with a [tool].

     

    I will give burdrulz a [alt band from the 90s] tattoo on his [host of Nick Jr].

     

    I will watch Andy Kneis experience [specific torture you’ve seen in a Saw movie] until he begs me to [uncle Jesse catchphrase].

     

    I will [violent act] Sean’s [family member].

     

    I will shove a [cooking utensil] up Dixon’s [body part with a hole].

     

    I will put [bodily secretion] in a glass of [yummy drink] and make Joe McGurl sip it.

     

    I will put a [something illegal] in Anastasia’s [where your pet sleeps] and frame her for [type of crime].

     

    I will [beginning of Limp Bizkit song with “Stuff”] into Rod Aug’s [where you live] and [grossest name for a vagina] his [body part that rhymes with “goat”].

     

    I will let the world know that Chanson’s [name you call your grandma] is a [funniest curse word] [second funniest curse word].

     

    I will [thing you do to a ball] MBOP’s [favorite childhood toy].

     

    I will wrap a [something little girl’s wear in their hair] around Greggy’s [thing you get for Christmas] and [thing you do with a stove] him [type of sweet food].

     

    I will [wrestling move] Andrew’s [body part] until it [thing you do to bubble wrap].

     

    I will have [synonym for sex] with Hurricane Dennis.

    • Like 21

  15. Posted

    Sean and Hayes have made it known that they don’t respond to threats. Maybe if I add a little sweet in with the salty?

     

    If you have Kyle Bosman on the show:

     

    1. I’ll clean honlad’s bathroom.

     

    2. I’ll replace American Diaper’s DVD copy of Rain Man with a Blu-Ray copy.

     

    3. I’ll kiss Sean’s mom on the lips for 5 minutes.

     

    4. I’ll give Anastasia the cinnamon roll with the most frosting.

     

    5. I’ll help brgrho clean his rain gutters. (Help, brg, not do all the work)

     

    6. I’ll give Marshall Mellow the maraschino cherry from the top of my sundae.

     

    7. I’ll introduce Joe McGurl to Crispin Glover.

     

    8. I’ll take Tim Treese to the Super Bowl.

     

    9. I’ll have sex with Hurricane Dennis.

     

    10. I’ll help Jacob C make a paper snowflake.

     

    11. I’ll finally listen to the mixtape burdrulz made me even though it’s not very good.

     

    12. I’ll give Chanson a ride anywhere he wants (within 10 miles of my house).

     

    13. I’ll teach Rod Aug how to stop the bleeding.

     

    14. I’ll take Greggy to Machu Pichu.

     

    15. I’ll kiss the ground Hayes walks on.

     

    16. I’ll eat Dixon’s shit.

     

    17. I’ll write Agata a poem.

     

    18. I’ll make MBOP’s bed.

     

    19. I’ll rid RanRan’s home of mice (humanely).

     

    20. I’ll masturbate while thinking of every one of your grandpas.

    • Like 19

  21. Posted

    Alright, seems like it might be time to take another crack at this.

     

    If you do have Kyle Bosman on the podcast, I will manufacture an assortment of Hollywood Handbook bumper stickers. With favorites such as:

     

    My other car is Hollywood Handbook

     

    My Hollywood Handbook can kick your honor student's ass

     

    Lost your cat? Check the Hollywood Handbook forums.

     

    Driver carries no cash -- He's Hollywood Handbook

     

    And HH mudflaps, of course, featuring Sean in a Yosesite Sam pose with "What up?" underneath.

    • Like 13

  22. Posted

    Does anyone have any tips on depression? I tried lexapro and zoloft almost 6 years ago, but I'm having a really hard time watching the world pass me by. Any advice is much appreciated. How do I stop being mad at the world for my own missteps?

     

    If you can get into therapy, try that. I used to go to individual therapy and group therapy while also taking wellbutrin and that really worked for me. And you can email me at valerie.ann.bryant@gmail.com if you want to talk. You can also add all the forumers on facebook and that might just clear your depression right up.

    • Like 8
×