Jump to content
🔒 The Earwolf Forums are closed Read more... ×


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Posts posted by xoValeriexo

  1. We know some people don't like it, but it isn't fun to read negative comments. It makes me want to skip the forum altogether. This show is giving exposure to lesser known artists and, while you're hating it, a lot of people are listening to the show and discovering a new favorite. Obviously your negative opinion is valid, but we just really don't need to hear it unless you're coming from a new angle. Maybe try something cool like "I hate the musical guests because I'm an astronaut and there's some space reason why I can't enjoy it." Now that's an original negative attitude!

    • Like 12

  2. I'll listen to the ep tonight, but for now I have some business to attend to.


    If Sean and Hayes don’t have Kyle Bosman on the show, here is a list of the bad things I will do to all of you:


    1. I will shave Hurricane Dennis bald.


    2. I will watch Birdman without Joe McGurl even though I promised we’d watch it together.


    3. I will crimp Hayes’ hair while he is sleeping and I’ll reset his alarm so he won’t have time to fix it before the big meeting.


    4. I will draw unflattering cartoons of Greggy’s children.


    5. I will change Marshall Mellow’s avatar to a butt with a fart coming out of it.


    6. I will change RanRan’s name to WalkWalk.


    7. I will trim Anastasia’s bangs even if they’re not quite ready for a trim.


    8. I will take from Sean everything that he loves.


    9. I will freeze Andrew’s bread, making it very inconvenient to make breakfast.


    10. I will kick Honlads in the nuts.


    11. I will watch Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery with Asteck and make witty commentary throughout.


    12. I will help Andy Kneis study for the GRE and I will take it pretty hard if he doesn’t do well.


    13. I will make Burdrulz homemade pretzels so he’ll never be able to enjoy another pretzel again.


    14. I will talk up the new Vince Vaughn/Dave Franco movie to TheloniousJunk so he at least considers seeing it in the theater.


    15. I will recommend a good therapist to AmericanDiaper who can put him on a stable dosage of medication so he can kick that depression for good.


    16. I will introduce Jacob C to Adam Levine because he actually has a pretty nice voice and maybe he’ll get a record deal out of it, I mean I know it’s a long shot but you never know.


    17. I will turn the lights off, put a flashlight under my chin, and tell MBOP a scary story.


    18. I will make JMonsterFace fall in love with me and he will be devastated when he finds out it all started as a bet.


    19. I will baptize Tim Treese’s first born child whether he wants me to or not.


    20. I will make Dixon’s ringtone the “Are you Afraid of the Dark?” theme so he will sound scared every time he answers the phone.


    21. I will watch a mediocre movie with Brgrho and I will go on and on about how good it was.


    22. I will slit Rod Aug’s throat.


    23. I will fail to mention you by name in a list I made and it will make you feel like you’re not part of the group.



    • Like 24

  3. “Hey kitten, come here.” The kitten didn’t know what to do, she’d never heard a dumpster talk before. A trash can, sure, a recycling bin, many times, but never a dumpster. Hesitantly the kitten stepped forward to peek inside the dumpster but she didn’t have the courage to open her eyes once she stuck her head in, “What do you want?” kitten said, trying to sound unafraid. “What are you closing your eyes for? I’m just a baby cat like you. Tee hee hee, fluffy I am, tee hee, cute lil whiskers I have.” The kitten pulled her head out of the dumpster as quickly as she could. She’d never heard such a beautiful song before. Who was this mystery kitten? And why did his song sound so much like Moondance? Kitten’s friend the rat glided down from the rooftop using a banana peel as a parachute. Kitten was puzzled. “What are you doing here? There are only supposed to be two animals in this story.” Rat replied, “Two animals and a what?” “Two animals and a…and a…” But it didn’t matter. Kitten was in love.

    • Like 7


    Remember that time I said you'd be a good dad because I didn't realize the guy in your picture wasn't you and I said that your face was a good dad face?


    I think you actually told him he had a good best friend face.


    Sorry I was late for the popcorn gallery. I don't care about Kumail too much anyway, so no big loss. Wait, since he's a video game guy does that mean you won't have Kyle Bosman on? No, no, no, no, no, please, no.

    • Like 4

  5. Am I gonna cry now every time I hear "She Got Titties in All the Right Places"?


    Harris is one of my favorite people and I can't believe this happened. If an episode of Parks and Rec was original instead of just being full of jokes about Ron Swanson liking meat and Aubrey Plaza being dark, I knew Harris wrote it. Honestly, go through and watch all of Harris' episodes. He's the best. And Humblebrag is full of perfect jokes. Harris was always so genuine and who he genuinely was is the most likeable person there could be. I'm so upset about this. I've never had someone die whom I loved so fully.

    • Like 17

  6. Bruce, if all of your cries for help take place in this forum you gotta branch out. Tell the barista at Starbucks that not even the new tiramisu latte can bring you out of this funk you're in, but you wouldn't mind trying it anyway. Then call your best friend from first grade, Marquis, and tell him if you were to kill yourself hypothetically you'd slit your wrists in a field in the middle of nowhere so he wouldn't have time to find you before you bled out. Next make a t-shirt that says "Please hug me" and if no one bites, chalk it up to your being unlovable. Then visit that barista again and if she doesn't notice your new haircut, you have my permission to kill yourself because, hey, at least you tried.


    btw, you gotta blame Marquis big time in your suicide note.

    • Like 12

  7. Tim and Anastasia came over and we had pizza and ice-cream. They told me (and my [redacted])all about how Hayes mentioned me MORE THAN ONCE. And they said they weren't ever introduced to Grace. What gives? She was hanging with Twitter superstar Shelby Fero and you can't even given Staz and Treese some love? Sean's not a hugger (which I've learned from personal experience), Hayes loves to yell and make the forumers feel special (which I've learned from my dreams), and Engineer Sam makes promises that he never intended to keep. They also went on and on about how cool everyone was, which was kind of annoying. Oh and they hate you now, Chefszki. Should've introduced yourself, dick.


    And to all of you pieces of shit who attended the live show and got to hang with Tim and Anastasia, you're not better than me. Sure, you were with them last night, but look who they come running to when they're sober? That's right! That's right! King Kong ain't got nothin' on me.

    • Like 16

  8. I agree with everything you said except there was one guy who was nice: Dave Rygalski. But then he moved to California and ruined everything.


    That's true! He was such a good character and then he up and left and now Lane is dating that weirdo who's trying to pressure her into having sex. I saw "now" because I'm at the beginning of season 6 so in my "now" she is dating the doofy blonde.

    • Like 1

  9. Ummmkay, I just listened to Gilmore Guys one and a half times and I'm ready to talk about it.


    Sean, you said the Luke/Lorelai thing is a little much from this beginning and I couldn't agree more. It's so obvious and so forced, but not at all cute like Ross and Rachel or Jim and Pam. Luke is pathetic and he grosses me out with his fake macho shit, his "tuff guy" voice, and his thinning hair. She should've stayed with Jason Ritter. Wait, that's the other show I wish I could talk to you about.


    Sean, you should watch the episode where Dean and Rory meet. It's true that Dean is totally Jess in the beginning. They bond over books, he likes her because she's smart, and he almost seems a little light-gothy. Then he's like normal sports dude so Jess can be the intriguing alternative.


    Have you noticed that every guy on the show is a fucking asshole? They have Max Medina, Dean, Jess, Luke, etc. lash out and say unforgivable things, but then we're still supposed to like them? It's like that OTHER show where all of the women (Christina, Jasmine, Millie) act like gigantic b-word-i--have-never-once-used-in-my-life-to-describe-someones on a semi-regular basis.


    I'll be back later.

    • Like 2

  10. I said it before and ill say it again! I dont have a Dad or a Dog cause they both dead!!!! U guys just love taking out ur scalpels and going all Meredith Grey on my wounds. And shes a messy surgeon! Shes not that good! Only reason she even in there cause her mom used to fuck the cheif on the side and she started fucking that McDreamy chump who probably changed the guy who hired hers brain so she could get the job .. I mean.. This shits nuts!


    Hey, I was thinking we should have a depressing Google Hangout where we talk about all of our sad stories. I have been dying (lol) to hear about your dead dad, dog, and best friend for sooooo long. And, Jacob C, lemme hear all about that depression, brother! And y'all know I got all kinds of dead relatives up in here. Let's discuss this stuff. A certain someone, whom I'll refer to as Chandaughter in order to protect his identity, told me it isn't appropriate to ask a person about their depression on a Google Hangout, but I think depression is just as important as Private School, Love Don't Cost a Thing, or heck even Adventures in Babysitting. Who's interested?

    • Like 6