This is great. It is one of the hardest things to do in life. But I have found a way to love Phish. I have since my first show- 11/6/96. But, I was able to 'like' them before this, and I think Harris can make Scott do the same. I apologize now if I go on too long. But that is sort of what Phish does, too. 1. Since Scott doesn't like the lyrics, which is understandable, because a song can be going great and then they throw a word or phrase in that is inane, he's going to have to take some mushrooms at the show he goes to so he can begin to laugh with the band at the lyrics. I've heard Mike say the lyrics don't mean anything and that they are primarily written because of the way the sounds of the letters bounce off each other. Of course, some of the songs do mean something (Fast Enough For You, Contact). But just remember that when getting acquainted with the lyrics. 2. Play an instrumental like Scott was wanting- your job is to get him to like them, not love them. Try The Landlady or maybe Billy Breathes, the song. It really builds beautifully and is regarded by many to be their best recorded song. But trick his ass, play the last minute and a half only. Play Tweezer Reprise. The lyrics in that are towards the end so maybe the jam will have him rocking enough that he won't care that they're asking him kindly to step into the freezer. Like I said before, when I first began listening I would be rocking out and then they would begin singing this ridiculous shit and I'd just have to laugh at it. Like the words were a punchline or something. Play David Bowie. Only 5 words in that one. And the song (David Bowie) that gave me my catharsis that first night in Knoxville. I wasn't sober. It was the only show out the 21 I've seen where I was on LSD. That's why Scott should take mushrooms. I don't play music, but I suppose the drugs allowed me to appreciate the skill and talent in a way I'd never been able to do before. And when they encored with Rocky Top, it was more than them just playing to the local crowd. After all that jamming and then covering a three minute bluegrass/country tune to SAY GOODNIGHT, I somehow felt at home and otherworldly at the same time, which was pretty damn cool. 3. Ok, a few more things- play him Axilla II. If you have the one from New Years Eve '95 that would be perfect. Of course, they only play Axilla I anymore and it's got all the moronic lyrics but Scott doesn't have to know that until he hears it at the show he goes to and by that time he'll be cerebral cortex deep in boomered fun. Boomers are mushrooms. Try and play Strange Design. He'll probably hate it because of the lyrics but he may like Page's voice. Or even Wading. It's sappy but it might have more of an impact. 4. Play a cover of a song that Scott doesn't know. Like Funky Bitch. Or When The Circus Comes To Town. Or one of the bluegrass numbers like The Old Home Place or Ginseng Sullivan. Or Golden Age if hasn't heard the original yet. Then when he likes it just don't tell him Phish didn't write it. Until he's high on mushrooms. 5. I heard you mention that bands suck once they sober up. Usually true, but I really like a few of the new songs. Stealing Time From The Faulty Plan (tell Scott the title is just Stealing Time) and well the end jam of Joy is great but just don't play the beginning because Scott will not like it. Party Time is fun as well. 6. I've been listening to Phish this whole time trying to figure out which full song I'd recommend. If you do indeed play an entire song as was mentioned. I think it's necessary but I really don't think Scott will have the patience until he's at the show. Hopefully he proves me wrong. There is obviously the Bathtub Gin from The Great Went that is sacred or something. It's awesome but I really think a Run Like An Antelope (lyrics aren't until the end) would be better. Or the Down With Disease (lyrics seem to mean something) from the '97 Denver show that was released on a LivePhish 11. Or Taste (he liked Fishman's voice) from Slip Stitch and Pass. 7. I do wonder if this is bs because you played the least accesible parts of songs. But it is a comedy show. The jam of Character Zero is what's rockin about it. Although the beginning of The Moma Dance was a good choice. When Tweezer wasn't going as planned and you sadly mumbled to go to the twenty minute mark I laughed out loud. I just thought Scott had to be wondering," we have to go twenty minutes in to find some quality music!" And then when that didn't work you said three more minutes and that was a complete failure as well. I believe that was the Tweezer from A Live One and it's like 45 minutes so I don't know what you were thinking. I guess just trying to get a laugh, which it did. It was fucking hilarious. Priceless, really. 8. Thanks a lot. Can't wait to hear the field report from a show. Scott laughing like the 12 year old's who wrote, "I saw you, with a ticket stub in your hand" should be priceless as well.